As we go through life, when we receive a deep wound, many times it doesn’t heal perfectly, leaving us with scar tissue. This scar tissue is tough, but also is more likely to have something catch on it to cause annoyance or pain. The above is true regardless of what type of wound it is: physical, mental, or emotional.

The scar tissue will keep the wound from ever completely healing, but at the same time, it keeps it from hurting too much, too. It protects the remainder of the wound, but generally there will be an ongoing, or recurring, ache or pain. Many times this pain is below the conscious level, so that you only notice when something draws your attention to it. Despite this fact, any minor pains, even when not consciously noticed, draw away small pieces of your energy, so that when they add up, you become tired far more easily.

So, now with the title of this post… how to heal old wounds. Unfortunately, to heal old wounds completely, you have to begin by tearing off the scar tissue. In case you haven’t done this lately, let me warn you: It hurts! Still, you can’t do any more healing as long as the scar tissue is there, so if you’re not willing to deal with the pain, you might as well stop reading this right now.

Let me differentiate here between physical wounds and mental/emotional wounds. While you still have to remove scar tissue to heal physical wounds properly, you probably don’t want to be going and literally “tearing” off the scar tissue. There are lasers that are used for this these days, and allow for much better healing than do-it-yourself style work. Regardless of whether it’s physical or mental/emotional, though, having help from someone who knows what they’re doing is always good advice.

So, on to mental and emotional wounds now. There are two ways to remove the scar tissue, and one of them is a lot harder to deal with than the other. The first way is when someone does something that rips it off when you’re not expecting it at all. This is incredibly painful (or can be), and if that’s not enough, it’s often when you can’t do anything about it, and can’t even take it as an opportunity to heal… you just have to patch it back up as best you can until you have time to do it the second way. The second way is choosing a time and place, preferably where there aren’t too many people and it’s relatively quiet.

It can, depending on the wound, be very helpful to have someone with you to help you heal. Sometimes, though, it’s something that you need to deal with on your own. The techniques are different, depending on whether you have another person helping or not.

I’ll cover doing it on your own first. When you want to (or need to) heal on your own, you can start by deliberately sending your mind back to the time of the injury. This is the beginning of tearing off the scar tissue. When your mind is there, just let yourself feel whatever emotions come up. Don’t try to suppress them, don’t try to feel what you think you should, just let them come as they will, and let them have their time. Even if it really hurts, just try to stay there, mentally, and let the pain come. If you let it, it will wash over you and through you, and then fade away as it heals. It may take several times of doing this to heal a wound, and you may have to do it in pieces (a wound may be formed by multiple inputs, or situations).

Healing with the help of another person is very similar. You have to go back, mentally, to the time of the injury. Then you start telling the other person about it, about what happened, how it made you feel, WHY it made you feel that way, etc. You need someone who can mostly just listen for this… someone who tries to “fix” everything will interfere with your healing (not necessarily prevent it, but definitely interfere). As you are telling them, and they are listening, let yourself feel whatever emotions arise. If you are comfortable with it, having the person you are with touch you can be helpful, too, as it provides an anchor in this time, a reminder that the injury is NOT happening now, and that someone cares. Again, this technique may take several times to heal an injury completely, especially if the injury was compounded over time.

Once you bring up the memories, and the emotions, and you let those emotions have the time, attention, and energy they need from you, that wound will begin to heal completely, with no scar tissue. In time it will fade away completely, leaving only a memory of its presence. Suppressing, ignoring, or otherwise trying to NOT deal with emotions is a bad practice that leads to mental and emotional injury. It may (or may not, I’m not enlightened enough to be certain at this point) be necessary at some times, but should be avoided whenever possible.

So, try one of the techniques listed above, and let the healing begin… it’s amazing how much difference in your every day life healing from old wounds can make.

Ever wonder why you’re here? What your calling is? What you’re meant to do? There’s a relatively simple exercise that can give you a pretty good idea of the answer to those questions.

First, clear your mind. Take a few minutes somewhere quiet, by yourself, and just breathe deep and relax. You’ll know when you’re ready when your mind quiets down a bit.

Now, get something to write with. This can be pen and paper, or a computer, or whatever else, as long as you can write stuff down. Now, think of what seems like it would be the most meaningful, satisfying thing you could do. Write down ANYTHING that comes to mind, and pay no attention to how realistic it is. This is what would be meaningful and satisfying if you had no other obligations to anyone or anything.

After freely writing down anything that comes to mind until you start drawing a blank, take a minute and look back over the list. Cross out (or delete) whatever seems less important, and write down any new ideas that come up as you re-read and refine your list.

Repeat this process as many times at it takes to get down to where you can’t really eliminate any of the things left as less important, meaningful, etc. than the others. If there’s one, great. If there’s more than one, look at what they might have in common (building houses for the homeless and feeding the hungry might have in common helping the “least of these”).

Whatever you end up with, when you really think about it, imagine it, and visualize it, it should move your heart, wake up emotion, and possibly even bring tears to your eyes. When you get something that really means something to you where it involves and fuels every part of you (mind, body, spirit, and emotions), you know that you found it.

Knowing your purpose can be a great motivator and really make clear certain choices that otherwise might be difficult. Some things just obviously contribute to you fulfilling your purpose, and others obviously take away from it. You might even want to post it somewhere, or something that makes you think of it (if you’re concerned about someone else seeing it, though it’s a more powerful motivator if other people know, too), to keep it in your mind and awareness every day.

Relationships need communication like plants need water… without it they dry up and wither away. Ongoing communication is essential for the length of the relationship.

Relationships are based on connecting with another person. In order to connect with another person, you have to have some idea of who they are (not as in Bob Smith, as in what they like, dislike, etc.). Communication is essential to this knowledge, whether it’s verbal or nonverbal. As communication deepens, your knowledge of the other person deepens, and the relationship can deepen. It is through this process of learning who the other person is that people go from acquaintances, to friends, to close friends, etc. You can’t move beyond your current “relationship level” without deepening your communication and thereby your knowledge of the other person.

The fact that the depth of the relationship depends on the depth of your knowledge of each other also explains why relationships fade away when people stop communicating. This is because everyone changes as life goes on, becoming a different person through the addition of new experiences, new patterns, new knowledge. That means that if you do not continue to communicate at an appropriate depth, you begin to know the person less and less, as they change from the person that you became familiar with. As the person changes, and you change, the depth of your knowledge of each other weakens (without ongoing renewal), and the relationship fades, going in reverse order: close friend, friend, etc.

The above is true regardless of whether it’s a personal or professional relationship. In fact, professional relationships can deepen into personal relationships as you get to know each other, and the depth of your knowledge increases (if you choose to go deeper… relationships can certainly be kept surface level). It’s true of any kind of personal relationship, as well, whether it’s family, friends, or significant other.

People who don’t have many others in the “close friend” area are usually that way because they don’t want to open themselves up to the depth necessary to achieve that level, usually from fear of getting hurt (Some might say rejection, but why would you fear rejection if it didn’t hurt?). While it is certainly true that people who know you deeper can hurt you more, they can also heal you more and bring more joy to your life. Also, if you learn to let go of your old wounds (see this article), the amount that you get hurt, even by those with whom you have a deep relationship, lessens.

So if you want to deepen existing relationships, bringing acquaintances to the friend level, friends to the close friend level, and more, you have to open yourself up and put yourself out there. Let go of your fear of hurt, and instead focus on the positives that more, deeper, relationships can bring into your life.