You’ve heard of the seven deadly sins?  Well, they are deadly no longer.  With the (relatively) simple techniques listed below each of the “deadly” sins, you will reduce their damaging power.  Once you have mastered the techniques, the once deadly sins will be only slightly injurious.

1. Lust
   

   Lust is actually one of the easiest sins to reduce in power.  All it requires is that you picture how you will feel one week after you actually achieve whatever it is you lust after.  Lust is purely a desire for things, and things never truly fulfill desires.  It is often driven by the temptation of forbidden fruit.  Once you picture having had what it is you’re lusting after for a week, the intense feelings of lust are likely to fade away (assuming that you actually get your mind PAST the point of achieving the desire).

2. Gluttony
   

   The solution for the sin of gluttony is actually very similar to the one for lust.  Lust and gluttony are very closely related… lust is strong desire for one thing (this can include people… when they are the object of lust, you are viewing them as things, not people), where gluttony is strong desire to have one thing (see note above) over and over until the point that it is all used up or you have had so much of it that more will make you sick.  The solution is basically the same, but not so distant in the future.  Imagine how you would feel at the point that you have completely stuffed yourself (either literally, in the case of food, or figuratively if your gluttony applies to something else), and then being forced to do whatever it is five more times.  It will most likely make you sick at the thought of even doing it once.

3. Greed
   

   Greed is not quite so easy, though it’s certainly not impossible.  It, too, is related to lust, but it is a lust after more and more things, rather than after one thing, or after one thing repeatedly like gluttony.  This one is more difficult because it involves changing the way you look at things.  In order to beat greed, you have to take a look at what actually brings you enjoyment.  If you are honest with yourself, you’ll find that having things never brings long term enjoyment.  It is the journey toward achieving goals (such as having this or that) that brings more long term enjoyment and fulfillment… but if you only focus on the having this or that, you’re throwing away the enjoyment of the way there.  Greed never leaves you happy, because as soon as you achieve one thing, you become greedy for the next.

   A simple technique to learn this different mindset is to write down every night what three things brought you the most enjoyment, made you the most happy that day.  If you continue this for any length of time, not only will it make you happier (as you realize there are good things every day), but you will notice that “things” rarely end up on your list, with it being far more likely that experiences vastly outnumber things.

4. Sloth
   

   Sloth, or laziness is hard to banish but it is easy to remove the sting.  Sloth can easily be countered by learning two new habits:  first, find a place for everything to, as I usually put it, “live”, and second, take care of every task you can as soon as you become aware of it.

   Having a place where everything “lives” means having a place where that specific thing, like your keys, or that type of thing, like bills, go any time you’re not actively using them.  This virtually eliminates lost keys, misplaced (and therefore late) bills, etc.  It keeps where you live and where you work relatively neat and tidy, and makes it easy for you to find what you’re looking for quickly when needed.

   The other half of this, completing tasks as soon as you become aware of them, does away with the laziness part of sloth.  I, personally, am a procrastinator by nature.  I have generally removed the detrimental effects of this on my life by not allowing myself to put off tasks at all.  That means not even for a few minutes, and especially not until the next day.  If I put it off a little bit, then it’s easy to keep putting it off.  This is also true for getting up out of bed in the morning, from my experience… if you get up immediately when you wake up, you are alert immediately, and have no problem functioning.  If you delay, hitting the snooze button, it makes it harder to get up, even if you purposely allow yourself thirty minutes for this “waking up” time.

5. Wrath
   

   Wrath, generally referred to as rage today, is essentially very nearly mindless anger.  It is anger that is so overwhelming that it outweighs your common sense, causing you to overreact.  It usually is caused by suppressed mental or emotional pain (which can be any negative emotion or hurt).  The solution is to deal with these suppressed issues, and once you have dealt with them, deal with any new issues that come up as soon as they come up (see the procrastination part under sloth, above).  If you don’t have any suppressed issues, you will find very little anger at all, let alone so hot as to deserve the name wrath.

6. Envy
   

   Envy… envy is the result of a mindset saying that you can’t have something.  It is very difficult to be envious of something that you feel like you can have, if you want it and are willing to work for it.  If you have a Ferrari, you don’t envy someone with a Mercedes.  If you have a beautiful, loving wife, you don’t envy someone else that has a hot girlfriend.  Defeating envy is like defeating greed, in that it requires you to change your mindset.  You need to make two changes, the first being stepping back and looking at what you really want, which is often not the same as what you think you want if you don’t take the time to actually think about it.  The second is to realize that you can have just about anything you want, you just have to deal with the work necessary to achieve it and the consequences of acquiring it.  If you shortcut the work by stealing it, for instance, there are consequences of that action.

7. Pride
   

   Pride, the seventh and final sin on this list… pride is a result of thinking that people are of different values, and that those values are related.  What this means is that you think that one thing or another makes someone better than another person.  It could be intelligence, money, good works, or social status… it could be pretty much anything, if you think that someone with more (or less, for that matter) of whatever standard it is is a better person because of having more (or less) of it.  The secret of defeating pride, then, is to realize that each person is a complete individual, and that their value is not related to anyone else.  That even includes yourself… your value has no relation to anyone else’s value.  The only method of evaluating yourself that makes sense or is useful at all is how close you are to becoming who you choose to be… and this is true for others as well.  You cannot truly evaluate the value of someone else, as their true value and even who they truly are cannot be measured by external things, not even using their attributes (like intelligence) and actions together, as you cannot know the true extent of the former, or the true reasons behind the latter.

   Since you cannot compare your worth to anyone else’s legitimately, there is nothing about which to have sinful pride.  Pride only comes from thinking your value, at least in a certain area, is higher than that of others.  If you give up that idea/belief, there is no pride (other than pride in one’s progress towards one’s own goals, which is not sinful, I think).

So there you have it:  seven sins, and seven ways to defeat the power of those sins.  There are even a few links scattered throughout to more in-depth writings on the topics.  So the promise given at the beginning is now kept.  If you do what has been suggested above, you will soon see the benefits/results.

Perception is what we are presented with once our internal filters are applied to reality.  If you’ve been with me so far, you have learned how filters are formed, and how to become aware of the filters you already have.  Now we’ve reached the most crucial part:  learning to create, replace, and discard your filters.

If you’ve put into practice some of the techniques from the previous article in the series, you now are aware of what at least some of your internal filters are.  Once you are aware of a filter, you can, at your choice, either replace or discard it.  You can also create new filters, but let’s save that until the end, as dealing with filters that you already have is usually more urgent.

If you don’t like a filter you already have, you can either replace it with another, or discard it entirely.  The first step to either result is to become aware not just of the filter’s existence (obviously you’ve already done this or you wouldn’t know that there is something you want to change), but to become aware of it’s implementation.  That means becoming aware of every time it gets called, every time something passes through it.  The best technique I’ve found for this so far is some sort of reminder.  This could be putting a coin in a jar, tying a knot in a string, or one I’ve read about recently, switching a bracelet from one wrist to the other.  Each time you do one of these things, it’s teaching your subconscious to alert your conscious mind when whatever you’re trying to become aware of happens, in this case the usage of the filter you’ve chosen.

Now that you’re aware of each usage, you can either consciously apply a different filter that you would like to replace your current one, or you can work on trying to perceive whatever it is without the filter at all.  For example, if you want to remove a filter of being scared of dogs, each time you see one, and feel that filter kicking in, you can do your reminder task and then make yourself stop and see that the dog is not a threat, perhaps even going so far as asking the owner if you can pet it, depending on how great your fear is and how far in the removal process you are.  If you want to replace a filter, say to go from seeing the world through a scarcity filter to seeing it through an abundance filter, you can do your reminder task, and then make a conscious effort to perceive the same situation through the new filter you want.  In the example of scarcity vs abundance, for instance, if you notice yourself looking at something as something that you can’t have, make a conscious effort to change and see it as something that will take more effort to have, and evaluate it in the context of effort versus reward instead of simply seeing it as something you can’t have.

Creating a new filter is very similar to replacing an old one (in fact, replacing one involves creating the replacement filter).  Basically, you need to become aware of situations where the filter you would like to acquire would apply, and then make a conscious effort to see that situation through the new filter.  There is another way to acquire new filters, though, that is easier in some ways, and more difficult in others.  The simplest way to acquire a new filter is to be around someone, or even better multiple people, who already have that filter.  This is even more effective, as I mentioned in part 2 of this series, if you consider that other person (or those other people) to be an authority in the part of life to which the filter applies.

Creating, discarding, and replacing filters is generally not an instant process, and the time it requires is directly related to how deep the filter is set (for discarding and replacing) or how deep you want the filter set (for creating).  Very shallow filters may take very little time or effort, while very deep filters may take weeks, months, years, or even decades.  On the positive side, while deep filters may take a long time to complete the process (whichever it is, creating, discarding, or replacing), there is generally noticeable progress along the way, so that you don’t get too discouraged and give up.

Well, that covers the basics of internal filters and biases.  You now know enough to consciously change how you see the world, and through that, who you are.  If you put into practice what you’ve learned, you will find it becomes easier as you go.  You will also probably have insights that help to make it even easier.  This process of becoming who you choose to be is what I’m talking about with the slogan at the top – Intelligent Self Development.

Articles In This Series:  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Perception… reality passed through internal filters, formed by one of three methods, and on into your conscious awareness.  Your perception of reality is all that really counts, when it comes to making choices.  There is no way to distinguish your current perception of reality from reality itself, but you CAN change your filters and then re-evaluate reality, possibly changing your perceptions.

Now you know that you have all these internal filters affecting every part of your life, because they affect how you see every part of your life.  And you even know how they are formed and how they can be either strengthened or weakened.  But how do you become aware of what filters you currently have in place?

The first, and easiest, method of becoming aware of your filters is to look at a situation from another perspective.  That is, imagine how someone else would see it.  If it’s different than how you see it, you can look at the differences and begin to see your filters.  For instance, let’s say you are looking for a house and you come across one that’s in relatively good shape, but it’s a bit run down.  Now you might see this as a sign that the previous owner didn’t take care of it, and you’ll want to look for another house.  But another person might look at it and see an opportunity to fix it and get the satisfaction of doing something worthwhile, as well as imprinting their own tastes.  The differences, such as one seeing it as a negative while the other sees it as a positive, shows you a little of the filters you’re applying to that situation.

If you want to use this method to find your filters, then it is best to try to find as many different circumstances where you can apply the technique as possible.  Even situations that don’t appear related can often be passing through the same filter.  Buying a car and buying a house, for example, both generally pass through a “value for the money” filter… although if the cost is insignificant enough compared to your income, it may NOT pass through that filter.  Your filters will become clearer (and more optional… a filter you’re aware of has less power than one you apply subconsciously) as you try this process in more and more situations.

Another way of becoming more aware of your filters is to simply imagine a situation, and try to picture as many different possible ways to approach the situation as you’re capable of doing.  This has the benefit of not being immediately involved in the situation, which removes some of the pressure, and gives you time to work out what your filters are in peace.  It also lets you try to find filters in situations that are not common, like buying a house… for most people, it’s not something you do all that often, although some real estate investors do it regularly.

This second way has a disadvantage, though, in that it’s more difficult to picture how you would REALLY react in a given situation than it is to determine from actually being in that situation.  This means that you can give yourself a false picture of your filters, although if you are honest with yourself, this shouldn’t be too much of an issue, as it normally occurs when you try to deny something about yourself (like “I wouldn’t lie” or “I would definitely give money to that cause” or that sort of thing… trying to convince yourself that you are a “better” person… what makes someone a “better” person is an article all to itself).  It’s just something to be aware of, not something to particularly concern yourself with… just be honest, it’s not like anyone else can see what you are imagining.

The third, and most difficult, way to find your filters is to find a quiet place where you can be alone (which, if you’re a parent, can be difficult all by itself!) and choose a topic.  The topic can be as general or as specific as you wish.  When you have your topic selected, close your eyes (to eliminate visual distractions) and just let yourself consider your filters for the chosen area.  If you are really trying, at least a few of the filters closest to the surface should come to your attention.  After all, those filters belong to the subconscious, and the subconscious does the conscious mind’s bidding when given direct, clear orders.

If you repeat this third technique over time, on the same topic, you are likely to find deeper and deeper filters coming up, some of which are likely deep enough that you had no idea they were there.  As in the previous techniques, there is some bleed from topic to topic, too.  You may have a “fear of failure” filter which very nearly everything processes through, or you may have a “fear of being alone” filter that situations dealing with those you are close to hurting you pass through.  Some filters, on the other hand, may be as specific as “mail that comes from Delaware has to do with banking/credit cards”… that one’s from personal experience.

Regardless of how specific or general a filter is, one thing holds true:  A filter loses much of its power when you become aware of its presence.  That means that you will be much more free, much more able to see more of the possibilities in a situation as you become aware of more of your filters.  You will also find the ability to create, change, or discard filters grows with your general awareness of their existence, and obviously you cannot choose to change or discard a specific filter if you are not aware of it.

So, that’s it for this article… a little more detail on creating, changing, and discarding filters in the next.

Articles In This Series:  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

 

Perception is how you understand reality after it has passed through all your internal filters.  You can change those filters, but first you must become aware of what they are, how they are formed and strengthened, and what role those around you play in this process.

So you want to change the filters through which life around you passes before coming into your conscious mind?  Be warned, the process is not instant, nor is it necessarily easy or without pain.  Some of the filters you have will be buried so deep that it can take years to change them significantly, let alone actually remove them, if that’s what you want.  Even the shallow ones often take weeks to change or remove.  Be prepared, then, for this to take quite some time… but if you stick with it, it can change your life completely.

If you’re still with me, then you’re interested in positive change, in spite of the effort, and possibly pain, involved.  The first step in your process is to understand how filters are formed.  There are three major sources of filters:  people you associate with (they don’t have to be friends, just people you are around frequently), your own experiences, and “third-party” information (things you read or see).  Each of these sources imparts filters of varying strengths and complexity, depending on factors within the category.

When you pick up filters from people you associate with, the strength and depth of the filter is strongly affected by the amount of time you spend with that person, and more lightly by how you feel about that person.  There is also a factor involving how much of an authority you consider the person, especially in regards to the specific area of the filter.  So a co-worker you don’t like but spend hours with each day can affect you more deeply than an old friend that you see once a year, but a friend you see a few times a week may have more influence than a coworker you see five days a week, while someone that you see rarely, but consider an authority on the area of life in question can have a profound effect on your filters.  Parents and spouses tend to be the strongest influences of this type, with parents having an advantage due to the fact that there are no competing/conflicting filters when you spend so much time with them, and the fact that when you are young, you consider them to be an authority on almost everything.

You also build up filters from your own experiences as you live life.  If you have been bitten by dogs a few times, you will form a filter that looks for that type of behavior from at least the type of dog that bit you, if not dogs in general.  With this type of filter formation, the amount the event catches your attention, whether via mental involvement, emotions, or pain/pleasure, is the primary factor in how strong and deep the filter is, with repetition of the event (or of similar events) strengthening and deepening the filter, and conflicting events weakening it.  The strengthening effect of similar events is considerably stronger than the weakening effect of conflicting events, unless the conflicting event is of considerable significance.

Filters formed from third-party sources tend to be the weakest of the three types.  They generally have less “authority” than people you know, and certainly less than your own experience.  However, in areas that you don’t have any personal experience or particular input from someone you know, such as when you’re learning about a new hobby that you don’t know anyone who shares, your filters will generally be formed from what you read about it.  Third-party sources can also extend and expand already existing filters, especially if they generally agree with your existing filters, just adding a bit more detail.

Once a filter is formed from one of these sources, it can also be strengthened by any of the above sources (it doesn’t have to be the same one).  For instance, your parents may tell you to be wary of strangers, causing you to form a filter that causes you to be cautious when meeting someone new.  This can then be strengthened by personal experience, if a stranger does something to you that you don’t like, or particularly if you have several bad experiences with strangers.  The filter can then be further strengthened by reading/listening/viewing the news and learning about random murders and kidnappings.

A filter can also be weakened by any of these sources, but it is much harder to weaken a filter than to strengthen it.  It is easier to accept reinforcement of your already held filters, opinions, and beliefs than it is to accept contradictory information.  This is true of all people, though noticeably stronger in some than in others, often referred to as being closed-minded or open-minded.

So now, in order to keep this post from getting ridiculously long, I will push how to become aware of your specific filters and how to change them to another post.

Articles In This Series:  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Perception is your interpretation of reality, based on where you are standing in space and time, and processed through all of your filters and biases*.  Unfortunately, or actually perhaps fortunately, there is no way to avoid this, and there is no way to base your choices on reality.

You cannot, as a human being, consciously comprehend reality.  Instead, your  consciousness is presented with an interpretation of reality, filtered by your subconsciousness from the input received by all your senses.  This interpretation is what you must use to make your choices.  If you were standing directly in front of the building pictured above, you would be forced (assuming no prior knowledge) to make any choices based on it being three stories tall.  If you were to move to the side, however, your perception changes, and with it the basis for your decisions.

There is no way to avoid this.  You can only work with what your senses feed your subconscious, and out of that, only what it passes on to your conscious mind.  This is probably fortunate, as the sheer vastness of the amount of information contained by reality would likely overwhelm your conscious mind in seconds.  Unfortunately, however, it does mean that your choices may be based on a falsehood, as any bias you have is automatically inserted before you ever have a chance to consider anything else.

This doesn’t mean that your subconscious mind rejects anything that doesn’t match your bias, or that you can’t perceive contrary information.  It simply means things are “colored” by your biases, beliefs, and other such filters.  That is, if you are “biased” against spiders, when you see one in the corner, you may see something dark and scary, and may even perceive it to be larger than it actually is.  On the other hand, if you have no such bias, you may see a harmless critter (or, with other biases, see a life worth carefully preserving, something to add to your bug collection, or something else entirely).

Other things that you might not think of fall into this category of biases and filters, as well.  You can have a bias for or against financial opportunities… meaning that you either filter them out, or give them special attention.  Your taste in music, art, and humor are all biases as well.  All communication passes through your filters, which may be different between “groups” of people (like lawyers, doctors, politicians, preachers, or even as general as men vs women) as well as between individuals.

For example, consider the phrase “I love you.”  The source of the phrase makes a huge amount of difference in how you interpret it, as it passes through your filters for that individual and whatever classes you associate them with.  If your wife says it, it passes through filters associated with her, meaning you perceive it differently than if, say, a stranger said it to you.  With your wife, it might make you feel a little closer (or want to be closer, which is not the same), it might make you feel the love you have for her, or if you’re having marital problems, it might make you think of those problems.  With a stranger, it’s likely to creep you out, make you want to push them away (emotionally/mentally at the very least… depending on how close they are, it might make you want to do it physically, too), and bring all kinds of other negative things to mind, as well, although this depends greatly on the groups you associate that stranger with.  Think about the difference in how you would react if a beautiful woman said that to you, compared to an ugly woman, an effeminate appearing man, or a biker in full tattoos and leather.

Fortunately, your conscious mind IS capable of reviewing its filters and biases, and so you can change the way you perceive information from the world around you.  It’s not alwayseasy to do so, but you can do it.   You can choose to change, remove, or add filters, but first you have to learn to become aware of them first.  My next article will deal with how to do this, how to become aware, and from there how to choose which filters you want.

*  These filters and biases mentioned in the article are what I call patterns elsewhere on the site.  The speed and accuracy with which these filters are applied is what most people call intelligence.

Articles In This Series:  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

When you see a celebrity driving their ridiculously expensive car, wearing clothes that cost thousands, and jewelry that costs more than you make in a year, do you feel envious of them?  Do you feel that they don’t deserve it?  Maybe even that you deserve it more than they do, with your hard work and long hours?  Well, that’s all from a faulty mindset, one that is centered in lack, in scarcity.

You only envy something you feel that you can’t have.  That’s why you don’t feel envy for someone who is wearing clothes cheaper than yours… unless of course it’s a limited thing, and you can’t get them.  See how it’s similar?  You don’t feel envious unless you feel like you can’t have what they have.

You also don’t have that feeling that they don’t deserve it unless you feel like you can’t have it.  How often have you looked at someone making less money than you and felt like they don’t deserve it (unless it’s you that has to pay them… that changes things a little, but it’s STILL only because you have a scarcity mindset)?  It’s pretty difficult to think of a time you’ve ever had any negative thoughts about what someone has when it’s of less value than what you have of the same type.  If you have a Lambourghini, you don’t worry about whether someone deserves a Mercedes.

It works that way for all areas of your life.  If you think you can have something if you want it, then you don’t envy someone else who has it.  If you have a great relationship, you don’t envy someone else with a lovely wife (unless you feel your wife isn’t lovely, which is a pretty solid indication that you DON’T have a great relationship).   Possessions, relationships, finances, spirituality, respect… whatever it is, you don’t envy someone else having it unless you feel like you can’t have it.

It’s heavily related to the temptation of the forbidden fruit.  In that case you want it because you can’t have it.  In this case you don’t want someone else to have it because you can’t have it.  Which, of course, brings us to the title, the secret of killing envy.

The secret to killing envy is to change your mindset.  Since you don’t envy someone for something you can have, if you change your mindset to believe that you can achieve (and have) anything, then envy goes away.  If you feel like it’s simply a matter of not wanting it, rather than not being able to have it, you don’t grow attached to it.  You don’t really care if someone else has it… you could have it if you wanted, it’s just not worth the effort it would require.

Change your mindset… accept that you can have anything, do anything, be anything, it’s just a matter of weighing the costs of having, doing, or being versus the benefits of the same.  Then envy will wither on the vine, dying a deservedly obscure and unimportant death.

Are you distracted all the time?  Do you have trouble focusing on what you’re doing? Well, it’s your own fault, but there is something you can do about it.

First of all, let’s get what distractions are out of the way.  Distractions are when something comes to your attention that draws your focus away from whatever it was that you were doing.   This breaks your concentration, and can throw off your rhythm, making it harder to get back to what you were doing before you were distracted.

That being said, there are, at any given time, hundreds or thousands of things going on around you that could get your attention.  The vast majority of these things pass by beneath our conscious awareness, but some pop up into that realm.  This is because your subconscious determines that whatever it is needs your attention urgently enough to take your conscious attention away from what it is you are doing.

Your subconscious takes its cues as to what is important enough to distract you with from your conscious mind.  If you give a lot of importance to what you are doing, if you love it and are passionate about it, then it takes quite an occurrence to distract you.  If, on the other hand, you are doing something that you feel you HAVE to do, not something that you want to do, your subconscious listens to this guidance as well, and the threshold for something to come to your attention will be much lower.  The barrier to something coming to your conscious attention is lowest when you’re doing something you don’t want to do AND have something important to think about, and especially if that thing that is important to think about is one you don’t want to think about.

So your subconscious mind does what your conscious mind tells it to do, even if you barely realize you’re doing it.  If you tell it that you don’t want to be where you are, doing what you’re doing, then it will try to present you with other things going on around you.  If you tell it that you are totally engrossed in what you are doing, it will filter out all but the most important events.   If you try to avoid thinking about something that you know you need to think about, it will pass you just about everything, not doing much filtering at all.

There’s the problem and its cause, so now what can you do about it?  Well, the first thing you can do is make sure you take quiet time.  This gives you the opportunity to stop avoiding all those thoughts that you’re trying not to think about, thus lessening your seeking for distractions.  The second thing you can do is learn to prioritize, and work on things in priority order… this will cause you to be working on something important to you up until you get all of that accomplished, at which point distractions are not so bad, anyway, as they may provide you with an opportunity that you otherwise would have missed.  The final thing you can do is work on increasing your awareness, as the more aware you are, the more your conscious mind is in direct control, rather than sitting back waiting for the subconscious to filter everything for it.

So now you are aware of what you are doing, and know how to change it, so what are you waiting for?  Don’t let anything distract you on your path to growth and awareness!

 

What do envy and jealousy, perfectionism and anger, fear and loathing, and all other things that make you uhappy have in common?  There’s one thing they all boil down to… they are all focusing your mind on something that isn’t perfectly the way you want it to be.

One of the easiest signs by which you can tell that you are thinking too much about something not being perfect is when you start complaining.  Whatever it is that you are complaining about, it’s obviously something you don’t like (or why would you be complaining?).  If it’s something you don’t like, why are you wasting your time and energy thinking about it?  As I’ve written before, spending energy on something gives it importance in your life, whether that energy is negative or positive.  However much impact something has in your life, in who you are, is determined by how much importance you give it.

Every time you complain about something, your are giving it more importance, so it’s becoming a bigger part of your life.  Since you only complain about things you don’t like, that doesn’t seem like a very desirable outcome, does it?  This includes, by the way, when you only complain about it in the safety of your own mind… you are still thinking about it and giving it more importance.

Now, let’s think about the other side of the coin.  How often do you specifically mention the things that you do like that are going on in your life?  How often do you thank someone for something they do that makes something go well in your life, compared to how often you complain when someone does something that you don’t like?  For instance, do you thank your spouse if they do the dishes, or only complain when they do not?  Do you thank your boss when he stands up for you, or only complain when he does something you don’t like?

Happiness in life is all about your focus, whether it’s negative or positive.  If your “thanks” outweigh your “complaints”, then you will be happy most of the time.  If your complaints outweigh your thanks, you will be unhappy most of the time.  If you want your life to be happier, you can make it that way, without changing your circumstances at all.  Want to know how?  Just make this one simple change:

Every time you catch yourself complaining, find two positive things about your life to tell the same person to whom you’re complaining.

This forces you to focus more on the things you do like, and keeps the things you don’t like from obscuring the overall quality of your life.  If you want to make even more difference, if you’re complaining about a person, find something good about that person to tell to whomever is receiving your complaints, and then go over to the person you were complaining about (if it’s feasible… obviously you can’t do this if the person you were complaining about was an anonymous driver on the freeway) and thank them for whatever it is that they do that you like.  Do this and you’ll find it hard to harbor grudges or do more than vaguely dislike someone, since you are aware of their positive traits, too.

Again, happiness is a state of mind that you choose.  If you leave the choice to your subconscious, your conscious mind may not like the results, until you have trained your subconscious to STOP concentrating on the things that are going wrong and instead focus on the things that are going right.  Choose to focus on the things you like, and bring those things more into focus, making them a bigger part of your life, rather than the things you complain about.

PS – Doing this won’t make everything in your life positive, and can’t make you happy 100% of the time.  It will, however, make it easier for you to be happy the majority of the time, and make it easier for you to return to happiness after something causes you to depart from that state.

 

We all have two basic ways of approaching any decision. We can look at it from a perspective of love, considering what path is best for all, or we can look at it from a perspective of fear, considering what path is best just for the person making the decision. Either way can come out with the same outcome (what’s best for the individual and group may be the same), but the path to get there, and the journey along the way, is different.

If you always act from the love side of things (which, admittedly, requires a lot of effort), you are very likely to find love coming back to you, as well. People, in general, instinctively recognize the type of person you are. Those who actively seek the solution that is the best for all involved (without ignoring the effects on the individuals) are usually liked far better than those who look out for themselves. People in general will go more out of their way to help someone they like, so the love you give returns to you.

On the other hand, if you act from the fear side of things, it seems to require less effort, as there is a natural instinct to look out for yourself. You also get the advantage of always looking for what’s best for you, so that you make decisions that will most benefit you directly. You may find, many times, that what is good for the group is also good for you, with a rising tide lifting all boats, and also that it keeps people from disliking you for being greedy and selfish, which can very much affect what benefit you receive.

God created the universe to have a constant flow of love. What this means, essentially, is that as you give love (working from the love oriented path), sending it out from the inside, more love will flow into you from the outside. As you take love (working from the fear oriented path), it will be pulled from inside to out, whether through negative emotions like fear and guilt, or through opposition in the world.

These two paths are opposites, and mixing them renders them less effective. For instance, people go out of their way to help someone who they know to be helpful to others. If you mix that with the selfish side, you end up in the middle, and don’t receive that benefit. If you mix love in with fear, it makes it less powerful as well… obviously if you only focus on yourself sometimes, it’s going to be less effective than doing so all the time.

Mixing them also creates confusion and kills motivation inside you. It removes clarity. If you are clear on how you approach all decisions (either through love or through fear), some choices fall away as unacceptable, and some move from should to must. This makes for much less confusion, much less in the way of distractions pulling you away from your goal, and therefore it becomes much easier to reach (think of trying to swim across a pool with a 45 pound weight strapped to each leg, then doing the same thing with no weights).

To use one path or the other, you must first be aware of your choices. Then you have to actively choose to use one side or the other, and make an effort to follow that path all the time, not just part of the time. It does become easier with time, and it will make you much more effective at whatever you choose to do.

So, if you’ve become aware of your choices (living consciously), you now have another choice to make. Do you want to approach the world looking to make it better for everyone, or live your life to take as much from it as possible?

What is in your heart will come out of your mouth, and what comes out of your mouth can go into your heart. This being the case, be aware of what you say. You don’t want to keep speaking things that you don’t want in your heart.

You should also be aware of what you say because it may impact others more than you would ever imagine. My father told me a story once of someone he hadn’t seen for a very long time coming up to him and telling him “I’ll never forget what you said to me.” The conversation in question had happened twenty years earlier, and my father didn’t even remember it. What you say can make a difference in someone’s entire life, even if you don’t have any such intention.

What you say molds peoples’ expectations, including your own. This means more than you might think… expectations are powerful things (More on expectations in a coming post). Words can do much harm, or much good, more than it seems at first glance. So be aware of what you say, and if it will shape things in a negative way, then don’t say it.