What is the most valuable thing in the world, for every single person? You can trade it (in sufficient quantities) for nearly anything else, but can’t get it back once it’s spent… Attention.
Attention is your mental effort, and focus, over time. Do you want money? You can spend time and effort and receive money in return (often called a “job”). Want a girlfriend/boyfriend? Investing time and effort can get you one of those, as well. House? Check. Better relationships? Check.
You can’t get more of your attention back after it’s gone… the time is gone, and you can’t “unspend” the mental effort spent during that time. You also have a limited amount of mental effort that you can put forth in a given amount of time.
That makes attention incredibly valuable. It’s valuable in terms of both human value and monetary value… after all, you can’t sell someone something without having their attention.
People intuitively understand how valuable someone’s attention is… that’s why we value “active” company more than passive company, why celebrities and successful businessmen are so often fond of people who are “real” with them (if you’re not being real with them, you’re not giving THEM your attention, you’re giving your fantasy of them attention, which is essentially the same as giving it to yourself), and why advertisers like to advertise on the most popular things (they’ve already proven effective at getting attention).
The funny thing is, you don’t have to give someone very much of your attention at all to make it a valuable gift/exchange. Just taking 5 seconds to actually meet someone’s eyes and convey that you really are thankful when you say thank you is a valued gift… try it and you’ll see the appreciation in the faces of those receiving your attention. Give your family member your true, undivided attention for an hour and watch how much happier BOTH of you are.
The majority of people are very self focused with their attention… Just think back over your day and see how many people stopped focusing on themselves and gave you their full attention at any time, for any thing. It’s not that uncommon for most people to be unable to think of a single incident… even when you’re having a one on one conversation with someone, most of the time at least part of their attention resides elsewhere.
When you give someone your full attention, they generally will give you some of their own in return… it’s built into us that this is the way it should work. This exchange of attention, when repeated, builds up a relationship between you. More investment of attention will generally improve the relationship over time… remember, though, this is attention on THEM, not a mental fantasy of them from your own mind. Focus on THEIR needs, desires, likes, etc., not what you think they SHOULD need, want, or like.
Successful relationships (whether romantic, business, sports, or anything else) lead to a successful, happy life… no matter what that means to you.
Take this article, plus the last two (The Need For Silence and Gratitude – Make Yourself Happier), put them into play in your life, and you’ll be a happier person in a very short time.
