It happens to both men and women… someone you are interested in only looks at you as a friend.  For women, it tends to be the “just one of the guys” phenomenon, while men get the dreaded “You’re such a great friend” (dreaded because it implies that a friend is all that you are).

Sometimes it’s due to circumstances when you meet… maybe the other person is in a committed relationship (that has since ended), or has recently gone through trauma, and they simply aren’t looking for a potential romantic interest.  Other times it’s because you simply give off that “vibe”… you make the wrong sort of impression on them in the beginning.

The good news is that it doesn’t really matter why it is that you fall into the “friends” category.  The process to get out of it is the same, and it’s not all that physically or financially difficult.  Mentally and emotionally, on the other hand, can be quite a different story.

The first and foremost thing to remember is that you need to maintain an awareness of the other person’s unspoken reactions, both through body language and through things like the speed with which they speak… these things can be a map showing you where land mines lay under the surface, allowing you to avoid them.  They can also tell you when the other person truly isn’t interested, rather than simply not having thought of you that way before.

So, here goes… 6 steps to turn a friend (or even acquaintance) into a romantic partner:

1. Be Around Them More

   This should be obvious enough to not even need saying, but it is the basic building block for the rest.  The more “active” time you spend around them, the more you will be in their thoughts, which provides you with a little subconscious “step up” from just the other people around them.

   “Active” time is time when you are doing something that causes interaction between the two of you… talking, working together, or anything else that makes them actively think about you.

2. Ask Questions

   A great way to get someone to feel closer to you is to give them an opportunity to talk about themselves without directly asking them something they would consider “too personal”.  You can do this by asking questions… particularly if you are creative enough to ask them a non-standard question, ie “What’s the worst food you’ve ever eaten?” instead of “What do you do for a living?”.

   This gets them to open up and let you past the initial set of mental walls to the next set, generally reserved for people they connect with in some way.

   I have an entire article on creative questions, if you want more ideas.

3. Do Things Together

   The next step after breaking the ice a little more is to actually get them to do things with you.  These don’t have to be major things, and they don’t need to be dates… anything you do together, where there is a lot of interaction between the two of you, helps build shared experiences, and helps to put you more in their thoughts.

   It’s even better when the things that you do together are unusual, whether because they are new to them or simply because they don’t happen that often (as in something that happens once a year or less)… that makes both the event and you stick out even more in their memories.

4. Be Close Physically

   As humans, we subconsciously group people into categories, with a different “comfort zone” of physical closeness for each.  Strangers make us uncomfortable when they are even vaguely near us, while acquaintances can be somewhat closer, friends closer yet (including touching, depending on the closeness of the friendship), and romantic interests the closest of all.

   That being the case, if you keep to the “friend zone”, that is where the person is likely to subconsciously categorize you.  If, on the other hand, you make smallventures past that comfort zone when opportunities arise (preferably naturally… most people can recognize when you are trying to create them) , you force them to subconsciously re-evaluate that status.

   Small ventures is key here… they give you a chance to evaluate body language.  You need to be able to see if they are subconsciously welcoming the closer approach, or if they are rejecting it.  If they are welcoming it, you are well on your way, but if they reject it, it’s a sign that you need to pull back and be patient.

5. Be Open Emotionally

   If you want to build a romantic relationship with someone, you will first have to expose some of your own inner self.  They can’t form a relationship with a blank wall… you have to provide them with some sense of who you are for them to be able to reach out to you.

   At the same time, you don’t want to be pushing your self on them… you want to make it available when they show interest.  Otherwise they may feel like they are unimportant to you, that you are simply looking for a place to have more attention on you, you, you.

6. Small Romantic Gestures

   You also may need to make small romantic gestures from time to time, things that are culturally accepted as being things that “couples” do.  This could be something like buying small pieces of jewelry for a woman (an inexpensive necklace, bracelet, or pair of earrings, for example), or making a meal for either… it doesn’t really matter as long as it’s not too large a gesture, but is still something that is generally accepted as something that a significant other would do.

   This, as long as you keep it from being overwhelming from either magnitude (too big a gesture) or frequency (doing it too often), helps to break you out of the “normal” friend mode, and bring you into consideration for something more.

All of these things work together, if you leave out any part of them, you are going to have a much harder time reaching the place you want to go.  Again, the awareness of their non-verbal reactions to your actions is essential… if you don’t pay attention, you won’t know what’s working and what is pushing them further away.

This advice is intended to help you get a chance to move out of the “friend” mold… a chance, not a certainty.  They may truly not be interested you in that way, no matter what… their response may permanently be “no”.  If that’s the case, no matter how much you love them, you need to accept it.

Good luck… if you follow this advice, and don’t rush, you should get as good an opportunity as is available to you.  Make the most of it!