You’re not in a relationship, and you see someone to whom you are attracted, but who you don’t really know.  You want to approach them, but you don’t really know how, and you really want to make a good first impression.

It might be someone who is a complete stranger, like someone you see while you’re at a party (or a conference, if that’s more your style), or it might be someone with whom you have some sort of connection, like a coworker or the friend of a friend.  It doesn’t really matter, the steps remain essentially the same, though you’ll already have one or two of the steps covered if you have some sort of connection.

So, let’s dive right in:

How To Make A Great First Impression

1. Know, And Be, Who You Are

   Most people, to be honest, don’t even know who they really are, and can’t really follow the old advice of “be yourself”.  The majority of people are a swirling mass of conflicts, trying to appear to be what they think other people think they should be.

   Buck the trend, be different… build yourself up, and people will notice… it will strengthen the impression that you leave.  It also takes away much of the fear of rejection that step #2 brings up.

2. The First Introduction

   The best way to avoid instant rejection (being rejected before you even get a chance) is through social proof.  Social proof is showing that someone else likes something (in this case you) in order to get others to give it more of a chance.

   Your best social proof, for an introduction, is a mutual friend… if you can show that someone they like, and at least partially trust, thinks you’re okay, then you have a huge advantage.

   Your second best chance is to have a woman who is your friend with you… and this is true regardless of whether the person you are approaching is a man or a woman.  If you are a man approachign a woman, she will be less suspicious of another woman.  If you are a woman approaching a man, that man won’t have his guard up from the natural competition between men.

   With that being said, you are still better off approaching with a male friend (though not a group) than you are alone… it’s still social proof, showing that you’re less likely to be some creepy weirdo, and more likely to be a normal (in the good sense) person.

3. Break The Ice

   Now that you’ve introduced yourself (or had a friend introduce you), you’re ready for step 3, breaking the ice.  Breaking the ice means getting past those initial walls people throw up when dealing with total strangers.  Once you’ve gotten past that point, you really have a chance to make, and leave, a good impression.

   So, how do you break the ice?  The easiest way is to ask open, not particularly private questions.  There are some very well known, generic questions that you can use (think “What do you do for a living?”), but if you really want to be effective, you need to ask creative, unusual questions.

   You can find some ideas for creative questions here.

4. Find Shared Experiences And Interests

   This is where you go from establishing that you’re not a threat to really making an impression that lasts.  As you talk (see step #3), look for things that you have in common… shared experiences (moving a lot as a kid, watching the same shows, etc.), shared interests (musical taste, hobbies, pets… can be almost anything), shared beliefs (generally political or religious… somewhat dangerous territory here, though, not necessarily something you want to talk about when first meeting someone), and best of all, shared passions (you’re both avid photographers, etc.).

   Sometimes the shared interest may be hidden behind something else… you may be talking about what you’re each doing for Christmas and notice that you both are strong family people… that’s a shared interest.  Or you may both have the same Christmas tradition… that would be a shared experience.  Remember, be looking for these… but not so much that you’re not paying attention to what they actually say.

5. Emphasize Your Shared Interests

   Once you find shared interests and experiences, focus on them, talk about them more.  Don’t “force” the conversation that way, just let it move that way naturally… otherwise you may come off in a creepy way, like you’re trying too hard.

   The more shared areas you find, and the more you talk about them, the more “connected” you are… it may even end up one of those things where you feel like you’ve known someone forever, even though you just met them the day before.  You can’t ask for a better first impression than that.

   One word of warning, here… shared passions can be great for that “connected” feeling, but people usually have very strong feelings about their passions, so if you happen to share a passion but not the same focus within that passion, you may want to ease up on that area.

6. Mention The Future

   When it’s time for one of you to leave, after you’ve had a great conversation, make sure that you mention the future.  How you should mention it depends on just how well you hit it off… if it went reasonably well, but not great, then you can simply mention something about something you’re going to be doing in the near future that has to do with one of your shared interests.

   If it did go great, then you can do the same thing… but invite them to come along.  Alternatively, you can plan something new to do together… either way has its advantages.  Inviting to an already established plan means that you are trusting them enough to invite them into your existing life, where planning something together can make your connection a little bit stronger by building something new, together.

   Either way, though in the second case this is obvious, make sure that at some point you have mentioned at least one means of contacting you, and preferably have written it down for them somewhere… depending on how well it went, this might range from an email address right up to your cell phone number.  How personal the means of contact is tells the person how interested you are… so make sure you keep that in mind.

There you have it, step by step instructions on how to leave someone with clear memories of time with someone new that shares their interests.  They may even remember you (and you remember them) as someone with whom they “just clicked”.

A good first impression, of course, is just the first piece in building a relationship… but it’s a critically important piece, as without it, you’ll never get a chance to get to the next piece of the puzzle.