There was a time, not so long ago, when a great many people would have jumped at the opportunity to switch places with Britney Spears.  That idea is not nearly as popular today, due to the mess that she’s been making of her life.  So where did she go wrong, and how can you avoid the same mistakes?

There is a mistake that is common amongst all demographics, when it comes to leading their lives, but is more prevalent among celebrities, especially if they became celebrities when they were young.  What is that mistake?  The answer is simple… they let other people tell them who they are.

There will always be people around you who want to tell you who you are, either directly or indirectly.  Celebrities have a lot of people in their lives, and those people are even more likely to try to tell the celebrity who they are.  Combine that with becoming a celebrity while you’re young, and thus don’t have a good idea of your own about who you are, and it can be overwhelming.

So, how can you avoid this?  Well, here’s a good start…  The Top 5 Ways To NOT Be Like Britney Spears:

1.  Take Time And Room For Yourself

   It’s important to have some time for yourself, with no one else around.  Your body and your mind both need this time to heal and strengthen.  As a celebrity, and one of the most popular for gossip magazines, Britney has a harder time than most getting time to herself, with the paparazzi always around, as well as fans, people seeking business deals or endorsement, etc.  Non-celebrities can have a hard time finding time for themselves, too, though… friends, family, work, spouse, and especially children can take all the time you have every day if you let them.

   Make sure that you take time for yourself, so that your mind can strengthen and you can evaluate choices that come your way clearly.  This can help you to avoid making bad decisions… like driving 45 MPH with your child on your lap in the driver’s seat.

2. Be Aware Of Others’ Influence

   Other people always have an influence on you.  How much effect that influence has over your actions and choices, however, depends greatly on how aware of it you are.  The influence of others over your choices drops as your awareness of their influence rises.  Perhaps Britney could become more aware of the influence of the people she associates with, and choose NOT to wear a short dress without panties.

3. Take Responsibility For Your Own Choices

   As long as you blame others for your choices, you can’t begin to make the changes that you need in order to avoid repeating the problem in the future.  Taking responsibility for your choices, and your responses to the situations around you, can be difficult.  It means that there’s something less than desirable about you, and it’s YOU that needs to change to fix it.  Britney, if she were to read this, could perhaps take this advice and not blame her mother for associating with the father of her (Britney’s mom) grandchildren.

4. Know Who You Are

   This one is always difficult, when you first approach it.  You have to spend time and attention, focusing on determining what your core priorities are, what your purpose or calling in life may be.  One of my passions happens to be writing, which is why you’re reading this right now.  I suspect that one of Britney’s passions may be music, although that can (rarely) change as life goes on, and she may no longer have music as one of her core priorities.

5. Be Who You Are

   This, of course, is the most difficult of all the advice in this article.  Once you have discovered who you are, and accept responsibility for your own choices, the next step is to give up the personas that you put on for other people and be yourself… all of the time.  Any choice that comes up, you should go with the one that reflects who you are the best.  This may not seem like the best advice, considering what seems to be who some people are, but, as I’ve written before, you are who you choose to be… so make your choice of who you are in some of the time you take for yourself.  Decide who you want to be, and then be that person (and I don’t mean decide to be Lindsay Lohan, I mean choose how you will respond to different circumstances).  You can see that Britney needs help in this area by how wildly her behavior changes.

While it would certainly be pleasant to have Britney’s money, it would not be worth the trade-off with the things going on in her life.  On the other hand, she can always take the steps listed above and change her life, becoming who she chooses to be, instead of letting others define her.  That would bring much needed stability and peace into her life.

So, now you know how to not be like Britney Spears… do you need to stop letting other people tell you who you are, too?

 

Have you ever had that feeling that you are being pushed toward doing something?  You read something about a topic here, hear something about it over there, have something occur in your life related to it at another time… it just keeps popping up.  Well, that’s been happening to me with regards to writing something.

That something is an article about the different levels of awareness.  Each one contains, but is far more than, all the previous levels.  I’m aware of, having experienced them, five different levels of awareness.  It’s possible that there are higher levels that I know nothing about, and if I find out that’s the case, I’ll write an update to this article.

But for now, here are the five levels of awareness:

1. Physical Awareness

   Everyone has this level of awareness.  Even animals achieve this level… it’s basically the awareness of your body, and awareness that it is yours.  You have toes, fingers, a nose, etc., and they belong to you.  This is the level of awareness where most of your instincts live, though some bleed over into the next level.

   At this level you identify with your body, considering your body to be you.  But you are not just your body.

2. Emotional Awareness

   Every person with any level intelligence even approaching being able to take care of themselves reaches this level of awareness, too.  In fact, I’m not certain that a human can survive without the intelligence required.  Emotional awareness is being aware of your emotions, and knowing that they belong to you, as well.  It means knowing that you are angry, or sad, or happy, and that that emotion is yours… ie it’s not the whole world, it’s you.

   At this level, you identify with your emotions.  But you are not just your emotions, either.

3. Intellectual Awareness

   Everyone but the severely retarded (and I’m not being cruel, I mean literally severely retarded people) reaches this state of awareness at least part of the time.  Intellectual awareness is where you move beyond emotions to thoughts.  You think about what is good for your body, what is good for your emotions, and quite likely about the “why’s” of things… why this makes you happy, that makes you angry, etc.  This is the state that most people are in most of the time, although a fairly high percentage of people descends to emotional awareness from time to time, with overwhelming rage, overpowering grief, etc.

   Great things can be accomplished at this level.  Most of science is accomplished here, as well as a fair amount of philosophy.  It is high enough for you to achieve quite a bit of success in most areas of life.  There is, however, usually a yearning for something more, though many people don’t really know what this yearning is, feeling only that something is missing from their lives.

   At this level you identify with your thoughts.  But, you guessed it, you are not your thoughts, either.

4. Spiritual Awareness

   I’m not really sure if “spiritual” is the right word here, and it definitely carries with it certain connotations that might make people react wrongly to it, but I can’t think of a better word.  This is the first level that is not reached by default in an average person.  Spiritual awareness is where you realize that your awareness is beyond your thoughts, that “you” actually observe your thoughts skittering across the surface of your mind.  You become aware that there is something more to you than a body with a brain.

   Your awareness generally starts to expand when you reach the point where you stay at this level most of the time.  It is also, unsurprisingly, the level where most deeper philosophy resides.  It is also the level where you can start filling in that emptiness that a lot of people at the level of intellectual awareness feel by finding your purpose in life, those things that drive you to create.

   Reaching this level does NOT require high levels of intelligence, although most people I’ve met who stay at this level of awareness do possess above average intelligence.  People who achieve and maintain this level of awareness are more likely to succeed, albeit by their definition of success, than those who seldom or never get past the level of intellectual awareness.

   At this level you identify with your awareness.  But there is still one more level left.

5. Connected Awareness

   This is the highest level of awareness I have achieved, and I have not yet managed to get to the point that it is my natural state of awareness.  Connected awareness is where you go beyond “you”, where you realize that the whole idea of “you” that you have built up over your lifetime is false.  It is as different from the previous four levels as intellectual awareness is different from emotional awareness.

   Connected awareness is somewhat hard to describe to someone who hasn’t achieved it yet.  When in that state there is no fear or doubt.  You are still aware of your body, emotions, and thoughts, but you are also aware that they are only on the surface, only a very small part of you.  You can feel that you are connected to everyone around you… you may “know” that intellectually, with six degrees of separation and all that, but actually being able to feel it is something else entirely.  It’s too much to go into in this article, so click here to read my previous article on the subject.

   At this level you identify with… well, to be honest I don’t know how to put it into words.  If any of you have reached this level of awareness and have the words I’m looking for, please post them in the comments.

Five levels of awareness… you progress from one to the next, although how long it takes for each level varies both from person to person and from level to level.  I don’t really know anyone, personally, who manages to maintain the fifth level, connected awareness, as their normal state.  I can guess as to a few famous people who have done so, like Mother Teresa, but again… that’s just a guess.

Okay, so I mentioned earlier that this had come up in several places, so I thought I would link to a few of them, with a tiny bit of commentary:

You are not your thoughts – Henrik over at the Positivity Blog wrote that line in his last post, and it was the final push to go ahead and write this.  I read everything he writes… he’s an excellent blogger/writer.

My previous article – My article on my breakthrough, and how to achieve your own breakthrough, to connected awareness.  I read everything I write, I’m an excellent blogger… just kidding.

I think, therefore I am – Peter at I Will Change Your Life wrote an article recently about Descartes, who is best known for clearly writing about things from the level of intellectual awareness.  I, personally, think it would be better to say “I am aware, therefore I am”… but I’m not quite as well known as Descartes.  Oh, and Peter is a good guy, a good blogger, and from his subscriber growth, clearly on his way up through the world of blogs.

Well, that pretty much wraps that up.  What level of awareness is your natural state?  What’s the highest level you have achieved?  Let me know in the comments.

There is a really simple, foolproof way to not care what others think.  It’s not difficult, it doesn’t take long, and everyone is capable of doing it.  It only takes one sentence to tell you this amazing secret.

I’m going to go about this all wrong and give you the answer right up front, and hope that you stick around afterwards for the explanation.  It’ll be worth it, I promise.

The foolproof way to not care what others think:  Give up telepathy (mind reading for those of you who don’t know).

“Give up mind reading?” you might say.  “What does that mean?”

Here’s what it means:  You can’t possibly know what other people think, unless you can read minds.  So you can’t worry about what people think… you can only worry about what you think they think.

Even if someone were to tell you what they think, they might very well be deceiving you.  After all, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all, right?  People are taught from a very early age to misrepresent certain feelings in the name of politeness.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing… if no one were polite, it’s likely there would be a lot more violence in this world.

On the other hand, it makes it even less likely that you will ever know what someone is thinking.  When you worry about what other people think, you’re not REALLY worrying about what they think, you are worrying about what you think they think.  You are worry about the shadow of a shadow… their thoughts as a shadow of their feelings and actions, and your thoughts of what they think as a shadow of the real thing.

Then there’s the fact that you can’t really control what other people think, even if you could actually know it.  In spite of your best efforts, others can, and will, misinterpret your words and actions, and think things other than what you want about you.  Ever said something completely innocent like “Nice weather” and had someone decide that it meant something far more, like you were bored and didn’t want to be with them, etc.?  I have… and it just brings home the fact that people will think what they want, adding or subtracting meaning from whatever you say and do.

So now you can’t control their thoughts, and at best can make a semi-educated guess at what they (the thoughts) are anyway (that smile might be for the person they just left, not for you… or the anger could be at something that happened in their childhood, not what you just did), so you’re spending your time and mental energy on something you can’t know or control.  You’re giving it importance in your life by giving it your attention… attention that you could probably find a better place to spend, something that will actually bring you benefit.

There’s no magical way to not care what you think other people think, but maybe now that you think about it, and realize that you don’t really care what others think, but about what you think they think, and that what they DO think isn’t even necessarily a reflection of what you say or do, then maybe it will help you to realize it’s sily and give it up.

Do you want to have a fantastic relationship?  Do you know how to tell if a relationship has what it takes to be great instead of somewhere between “okay” and “good enough”?

Relationships can seem like tricky things, but the basics really aren’t that complex.  There are certain things that any really good, great, or fantastic relationship will have.  Some lesser relationships will still have some of these things, but often only on one side.  In other words, one person possesses the quality, but not both.  Other lesser relationships will feature both people showing some of the attributes listed below, but missing others.  Sometimes these lesser relationships can turn into great relationships if effort is put into learning, and adopting, the other pieces.

There are many lists of things a relationship needs to be successful, but most of them are of a more mechanical nature.  I’ve even posted a few of that kind myself, listing things like time together, communication, etc.  This list, however, is not things you do, it’s things youhave.

If you want to know whether your relationship has what it takes to be great, and to last the test of time, then evaluate it based on the attributes of a fantastic relationship listed below.

1. You Both Know How To Love

   Do you know how to love?  To really love, not to like, or do things for, or get turned on by, your love?  Do you feel that you are soul mates, that you have a connection so deep that it will be there forever, no matter what happens to the relationship?

   Love takes more than buying someone flowers.  It takes more than holding their hand when you’re out… Love is when you take them by the hand and it reaches out and touches their soul, too.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, or that sounds scary or too deep, then you may not be ready for love.  That’s okay… you don’t have to be in love, and trying to force yourself when you aren’t ready only backfires.

   “Love is patient; love is kind and envies no one.  Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; never selfish, not quick to take offense.  There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and endurance.  In a word, there are three things that last forever: faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of them all is love.”

   The Bible has some great pieces of wisdom concentrated down to their basics, and this is one of them.  Love is patient and infinite… trials and tribulations can scratch the surface of it, but never damage its depths.

2. You Both Know The Complexities Love Contains

   So you both know how to love, but do you know the complexities that love contains?  Love can encompass and contain your whole awareness at one moment, and be rejected in pain the next.  It never really goes away, not if you truly loved, but you can certainly bury it deeply.  You can bury it so deeply that only you know it’s what is causing you pain, or so deeply that even you don’t know that’s where the pain is coming from.

   Love can have good days and bad days, but it never really goes away, and as soon as you let go of the walls you use to hold it back, it will come surging in again, often bringing with it whatever pain caused you to build those walls, but only temporarily.  The flow of love washes away the pain, though the time required varies.

   Love is complex, bringing both pain and healing, leaving you vulnerable but making you stronger.  If you don’t understand this, if you don’t accept it, your relationship is going to be weaker than it could have been.

3. You Both Have Forgiving Hearts

   There is one thing that is certain in any relationship:  You are going to hurt each other.  If you have a good relationship, it won’t be intentional, but it will still happen.  If you can’t forgive each other when it happens, then your relationship is going to be very shallow.

   If you can’t forgive someone for hurting you unintentionally, you are building walls to keep love away, probably because you are scared of the way it makes you vulnerable.  Those walls will keep the other person out and limit how deeply love can spread its roots.  Shallow roots can still keep it alive, but when trouble comes along, its grip is weak, and it can be ripped away.

   Learn to forgive, and relax those walls… getting rid of them can be scary, and usually hurts right at first, but it will make you a LOT happier in the long run, and the pain is only short-lived.

4. You Love The Other Person, Not The Attention They Are Giving You

   When you are “falling in love”, it’s easy to mistake loving the attention you are getting for loving the other person.  You are getting closer rapidly, you haven’t hit your walls yet, and you’re getting loads of attention.  Attention is the universal currency by which you show that someone is important to you, and it’s an awesome feeling to know that you are important to someone specific, especially if that person is someone you like.  This is also what leads to a lot of affairs, unfortunately… people need to feel important, and if they feel that they aren’t important to their spouse because they aren’t getting attention from them, and someone else comes along and offers that attention and feeling of being important to someone… well, it’s a bad situation.

   There’s a relatively easy test to see if you love the person or the attention, though.  It works like this:  close your eyes.  Now bring up the other person in your mind.  What is it about that person that comes to mind?  If your answer is a part of their body (a la eyes… if it’s certain other portions of their anatomy, don’t kid yourself, you know it isn’t love), or the fun you have together, you may be loving the attention.  If what comes to mind is more of a complete concept, something that’s hard to put into words but is a representation of them and what they mean to you, something that if you’re really open to it nearly brings tears to your eyes… THAT is being in love with the person.

5. You Don’t Have Any Walls Just For The Other Person

   I’ve been thinking a lot about “walls” lately… if you’ve been reading my stuff, you may have noticed.  If you have any walls that are for a specific person, it means that person is important in your life.  You may have walls that only your mother can hit, created in response to some pain she caused at some point in your life.  You may have walls for any specific person who has caused you pain, and that can include your significant other.

   Walls are built to keep pain out, but they don’t… they keep pain in, trapped inside of you.  When you build walls that are just for one person, you are doing two things… you are shutting that person out of that part of you, and you are holding on to pain that they caused.  Holding on to pain that someone specific caused you isn’t really a good way to have that relationship grow stronger and deeper, and a real love is generally either growing deeper or becoming more shallow.

   Holding on to walls at all limits the heights you can reach, but holding on to walls against just one person also limits your depth.

6. When You Close Your Eyes, You Know They’re There

   In any really good (fantastic, anyone?) relationship, you share a bond of a depth that anyone who has not been in such a relationship cannot imagine.  This connection can be stronger or weaker at different times, but one thing should always remain:  if you close your eyes, you should know that the other person is there.  I’m not talking about any psychic phenomenon, like knowing exactly where they are even though you’re hundreds or thousands of miles apart.  I am talking about that unshakable certainty, that depth of connection, that unmovable mountain that says “I am here”.

   If you’ve been in a good relationship where there is real love, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t, I can’t explain it any better than that.  You might be able to guess, but when you feel the real thing you’ll know that your guess wasn’t even a shadow of the truth.

Does your relationship have these elements?  If you’re not in a relationship currently, then may I recommend that next time you find one, and you think it might be THE one, you pause the breakneck plunge for just a moment to come back to this list and see if it has the signs of what could be a fantastic, long-lasting relationship?

As I said, this is not a list of “mechanical” type attributes of a relationship, things that can be quantified.  It’s a list of… well, I don’t know how to describe the common thread, but it’s there.

Does your relationship have these things?  Does it have more or less of any given thing?  Do you think any of the points listed above are more important than the others?  Let me know in the comments.