Benjamin Franklin famously said that time is money, and the phrase is still quite popular today.  What it means is that money is a representation of time… your employer (or client) pays you to spend some of your time doing whatever it is that they need and you do.  Your friends and family also want you to spend time with them, and while that’s not exactly money, it IS value.

That sounds like it makes sense, right?  Nothing unusual there… it’s commonly accepted wisdom.  It also happens to be wrong.

The truth of the matter is that time is worthless.  Literally… it’s worth nothing at all.  What really has value, and what makes your time worth something, is attention.

I’m going to break this article into two sections:  work and relationships.

Why Time Is Money Is Wrong…

 

At Work

Think about it… if you just showed up at your job, but did nothing at all, do you think that your employer (or clients) would want to continue to pay you?  Of course not… they are paying you to give your attention to the tasks they want accomplished.

There is a base amount of attention that anyone can give to any task.  Someone skilled at that task can, essentially, bring to bear attention paid to the task in the past in the current situation, thus making their time more valuable, because more attention is being given to the task… it’s just that some of that attention came beforehand.  Skills that are complex require more attention for the average person to learn, which translates to bringing more attention to a task if you DO have that skill, resulting in people with complex skills being paid more than people with simpler skills… brain surgeons possess more complex skills than house painters, for example, so they get paid more.

So the basic measure of value is attention.  But this isn’t just in the economic sense… attention is the basic measure of value in relationships, also., which leads us to the next section, why time is money is wrong…

In Relationships

People always claim that they need more time together, but it’s not what they really mean.  I am guilty of this, too… I tell my wife I need more time with her when what I really mean is that I need more time with her where our attention is on each other (three year old children use up an awful lot of attention).  We need, to put it in more familiar terms, quality time, not just quantity time.

Any relationship that you give attention to increases in value (which can also be called importance, here) to you.  The person on the other end of the relationship will definitely notice any significant change in the level of attention that you give them.  This can be good or bad… most people will generally appreciate an increase in attention, but too much attention in a relationship that the other person gives less importance to can start to seem creepy (as in stalker-ish).

It’s very important to remember the distinction between time and attention… time without attention has a net negative value, because you are causing the other person to invest some of their attention without getting anything in return.  This is immediately evident in relationships… if you go out to dinner with someone, and the whole time they are talking on their cell phone, it’s worse than never having gone out at all.

Summary

It takes time for the value of attention to reach its maximum.  That means the the value of your attention goes up as you spend more consecutive time giving something, or even moreso someone, your undivided attention.  With regard to things, or tasks, you can think of this as “getting in the groove”.  With regard to people, you can think of it as warming up or breaking the ice.

Becoming consciously aware of where you are spending your attention can make you much more effective.  You can become more efficient as you learn to focus more of your attention on what you are currently doing.  This can lead to you getting more done, being more productive, and accomplishing more of your goals.

You can also improve your relationships vast amounts by understanding the power of attention… giving someone your undivided attention, especially over a longer time, is incredibly flattering, and people WILL notice and respond to the fact that you are showing that you find them important and valuable.

So… are you aware of where you are spending your attention?

It seems like these days it is hard to find someone saying good things about their father.  I don’t know if the overall quality of fathering is going down, if people don’t appreciate their father as much, or if people just talk about it more these days, but almost every time you hear about someone’s father, it’s in a negative light.

Well, I’m here to tell you that my dad is great.  I really couldn’t ask for a better father than the one I got… sure we had a few disagreements, and there are a couple of areas where I wish he would have pushed me, but overall I don’t think there is a better dad available.

So, now that I’m a father myself, I have a lot of good stuff to look back on for lessons on how I should be a dad to my kids.  The most important thing about being a good dad is that it’s about BEing a good dad… it’s who you are, not what you do.  The things listed below are things a good dad should be, things that I learned not from my dad telling me, but from watching who he was (and is).

Here we go, then, with 10 things my father taught me about how to be a good dad:

1. Be Calm

   Kids will always do things to provoke you, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.  A good dad should keep his temper, not yelling or screaming, or throwing huge punishments for a minor offense just because he’s angry.  After all, you don’t really want to teach your kids to do those things, do you?

2. Be Loving

   It’s important to remind your kids that you love them.  This includes telling them that you love them, but also other things, like being supportive when they need it, wiping away tears, and hugging them… no matter how big they get.  Showing you love them is just as important as telling them that you love them… but don’t forget to tell them, too.

3. Be Patient

   Sometimes you may wish your kids would just get around to learning something already, or that they would finally be responsible and take care of their chores without having to be reminded 143 times.  It’s at these times that you need to be patient and remember that kids are kids… give them time, give them your patience.  They are worth it.

4. Be Proud

   It’s sort of a cliche that fathers are proud of their children… but a lot of fathers don’t realize how important it is to actually tell their kids, not just their friends and coworkers!  Your kids need to know that you’re proud of them… and the things that they do that you show them you’re proud of are the things they will try to do again.  If you show them that you are proud of their good grades, they will try to get good grades… if you show them that you are proud of them being a good person, or good with their siblings, or something else, they will do whatever it is that made you proud again (or at least try).

5. Be Honest

   It’s important to be honest with your children.  It’s important to be honest in general, really, but your kids will learn from you… and you want them to be honest, presumably.  If you don’t want your children to know about something, whether because it’s inappropriate for them or for other reasons, tell them that… don’t just lie to cover it up.

6. Be Firm

   When you set rules, make them stick.  If they are supposed to be home by 8:00, and they walk in the door at 8:07, they need to be punished, barring extenuating circumstances… and there shouldn’t ALWAYS be extenuating circumstances.  On the other hand, don’t be unbendable… let them have a little freedom, and give them a break if the rule break is an exception, rather than the rule.

7. Be Yourself

   It’s important to be yourself around your children.  Some people are completely different people around their children than they are around other people.  Your children WILL see this, and it will have two negative effects:  it will erode their trust in you (You ARE being deceitful after all… you can’t honestly be two different people), and it will teach them that this is appropriate behavior for them as well.  You may find this second part affects you directly… they may be an entirely different person in front of you than they are around their friends.

8. Be Father First, Friend Second

   It is awesome to not only be a parent, but also a friend to your child.  You need to remember which one comes first, however.  Kids need a dad more than they need a friend, and you’re the best option for that… and if you won’t be a father to them, they’ll be looking for that influence elsewhere.

9. Be Respectful

   It’s very important to teach your children to respect you… but it’s also very important that you respect them.  This means giving them room to grow and learn, it means talking to them as an equal (when you can… it’s not appropriate when setting rules or punishment, for example), and treating them as their own individual person.  It means respecting their decisions when you can, even if it’s not what you would have done, or not what you think is best for them.  That doesn’t mean don’t give advice… just accept that sometimes they need to make their own way.  It’s the only way they’ll ever grow up mentally and emotionally.

10. Be There

    This could be a whole article by itself… and who knows, at some point it may be!  For this article, however, I’ll keep it simple:  Children need a father.  They need a father who is in their life, who pays attention to them, who is interested in them, who does things with them, and asks about them.  Time without attention, like in a marriage, is worse than no time at all.  Show them that they are important to you… give them your time AND attention.

That certainly doesn’t cover everything involved in being a good father… but it’s a pretty good start.  If you do the things above, or rather if you can be the things above, you will be well along the path to being a good father.  On the other hand, just because you fail at something from time to time (ie fail to be calm… probably the easiest one to fail), that doesn’t mean that you’re NOT a good dad… you can pick yourself up and get back to it.

I have to say there IS one thing I learned for myself, though, something he couldn’t have told me even if he’d wanted to do so, and that’s just how good it feels.  I love being a dad… it’s one of the most fun and fulfilling things I have ever done, and it will make a lasting impact on both my kids and everyone they touch later in life.  There is no way that he could have conveyed just how rewarding it is.

He’s doing a bit better on conveying how much fun it is to be a grandpa, but I think I’d be happy to wait a while before experiencing that for myself.

Everyone has days where they lose their focus, where things are happening too fast and the stress level is rising, carrying the frustration level with it.  Knowing that, however, doesn’t make them any more pleasant.  What you really want is a way to quickly refocus and dump the stress.

There are many books, magazines, and other places to find ways to reduce stress in your life, but what about things that you can do in just a minute or two, not things that require a change in the way you live your life?  Well, you’re in luck, because today I’m going to list a few ways that you can release stress and refocus in less than 3 minutes.

And now, with no further introduction, 5 quick ways to refocus and release stress:

1. Quick Breathing Exercises

   Breathing exercises are a VERY useful tool for refocusing.  It’s even a good idea to do a really quick breathing exercise before using the other techniques listed here.  The idea is simple… adjust your posture to something approximating proper posture, but still comfortable, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing… breathing deeply helps, but isn’t necessarily required.  Focus on the feeling of the breath coming in and the feeling of it going out… a lot of people neglect the exhale, but it’s where a lot of the relaxing happens.

2. Visualization

   This is a great technique, too.  All you do is close your eyes and picture yourself somewhere that is peaceful for you.  I like the mountains or the beach for this, personally, and I usually picture myself alone… but it should be wherever you feel safe and at peace, and with whomever brings that feeling, as well.

3. Smells

   Remembering smells can help you to relax, but it works even better if you can find something with the smell that brings back fond memories.  You might try a candle (you don’t even have to light it), a spray, or a perfume/cologne, depending on what smells make you feel comfortable and safe.  Don’t worry about what is sold as relaxing, pick something that brings comforting feelings to you.

4. Drifting

   Letting yourself mentally drift for just a couple minutes can really unburden you.  This one is definitely one that can stretch to over 3 minutes if you let it, but can offer considerable relief when limited to 3 minutes, as well.  This is one that works especially well with #1… do #1 for a few seconds, and then move to this one.

5. Stretch

   This is one technique that can’t really be applied everywhere, and is another one that can stretch (Get it?  Stretch… sorry, I love bad jokes/puns) to more than 3 minutes.  Given that you have the space to do it (and won’t offend people), however, stretching can release a lot of tension, especially if you pay attention to your breathing while doing it.  For keeping it quick and not bothering other people, I suggest rotating your head, shrugging your shoulders both backward and forward, and doing a quick tighten and release on each major muscle group… tighten it while breathing in, hold it 3-5 seconds, then release it as you breathe out.

Now, when you’re having one of those days (and how appropriate that this article is coming on a Monday?), you can use one of these methods to quickly get back into the swing of things, renewing your focus and shedding stress and frustration.

PS – If you have more quick relaxation techniques, please let me know in the comments… I’m always looking for new ways.

Are you surrounded by negative people, people who, no matter what the situation, can always find something wrong?  Or people who always have so much drama in their lives, drama that is, of course, always caused by someone else?

Being around people who constantly have drama and negativity in their lives can drain your energy, especially if you feel like they are people that you HAVE to deal with, like family members.  If you spend enough time with them, it can completely exhaust you.

This draining of energy can take away from other areas of your life, areas that you may (or may not) deem more important… work, relationships, and pretty much everything else.  Watching other things go down the tube (and sometimes not even realizing that it has anything to do with the energy drain from the negative people in your life) can suck down even more of your energy, eventually getting you to the point where you start feeling overwhelmed to the point of collapse.

So enough prelude, on to how to deal with negative people:

1. Step One:  Pay Attention To Them (but not their negativity)

   A lot of people who are negative, and/or seem to need drama in their lives, are that way because they are insecure… they are not certain of their own worth.  One of the best ways to show someone their worth is to give them your attention… the more attention you give them, the more you are telling them they are worth.  This is complemented by showing interest in them beyond the attention you pay, as well… asking about things you know they were going to do, or things you know they are interested in.

   The important thing here is to remember that you are paying attention to THEM, not their negativity.  Ignore the negativity… when they say something negative, just brush it off.  Make it really obvious that the whole being negative thing isn’t working on you, and concentrate on them.

   Please do NOT do this if you don’t sincerely care about the person, as they may be desperate to believe, and not see it as artificial… and then be devastated when they find out it was fake all along.

2. Step Two:  Suggest Ways To Improve (or point them here)

   If the first step doesn’t work after you’ve given it time, or the person is not important enough to you to expend the substantial effort required by step one, then you can move on to giving them advice on how to solve whatever particular negative thing they are going through.  This can have one of two results, either of which will result in less negativity in your life:  They can act on the advice, and improve their life, or they’ll stop being around you (or talking to you) as much, because they don’t want someone to actually help them, they just want attention, and they think being negative is the best (or only) way they can get it.

3. Step Three:  Reduce The Time You Spend With Them

   This is the third, and final, step.  And it may be taken care of for you if you attempt step two first… the person may choose to spend less time around you.  If not, eventually you have to reduce the time you spend around them to reduce the drain on your own energy from their negativity and drama.  It might be hard… it might be very hard, depending on who they are to you.  Reducing the time you spend with family, for instance, is very difficult for some people, or your best friend who wasn’t that way before, but at some point, when you’ve tried the first two steps for as long as you can take for that person, the only thing left is to stop letting that person in your life so much.

Which step you start at depends on how important the person is to you… the less important they are, the higher the step you start on with them..  How much time you spend on each one should also be determined by how important they are to you… some people are worth years of effort, others only weeks or days.  If they’re not worth days of effort, they’re probably not worth the first two steps… you might as well move right to reducing (or eliminating) your time with them.

Only you can determine how much of your effort it’s worth to put into helping a given person get out of their negative focus.  Anyone can climb out of negativity eventually, but some cling to it hard enough that you’re talking about a lifetime.   The more effort you put in, though, the more you are helping that person, and the more they will return the energy you invest in them when they do get past all the negatives.

 

“Think outside the box” is such a commonly used phrase these days that it seems like you hear it at least once every day.  What does it mean?  It means to think differently than normal, to step outside of the average person’s comfort zone.

Some people claim that it means to think outside your comfort zone, but it doesn’t, really… people describe you as “thinking outside the box” when you have a different way of looking at things than normal people (although usually only if this produces a positive result… otherwise they describe you as “nuts”), even if that is your normal way of thinking.

Everyone has their own “box”, though… it’s all the filters and lenses that you see life through.  You can’t actually, in this world, be outside your own “box”… your box just changes, and possibly grows bigger.  That’s one of the reasons I don’t like the “box” analogy.

A box implies rigid sides, strong boundary and structure that is difficult to alter.  While all people have some rigid boundaries, things they will not do regardless of circumstances, these are relatively few.  Most “rules” for most people are more guidelines than hard limits, more where the cost of doing whatever it is, be it mental cost or physical cost, is high enough that the benefit needed to outweigh that cost is unlikely to happen.

So… I have a different analogy that I prefer over the box referred to in “thinking outside the box”:  I don’t have a box, I have a house.

My house can be added to when I find new beliefs or ways of thinking that I like and wish to add to my own.  My house can also have pieces of it demolished if they start to have their cost outweigh their benefit.  It is on an essentially infinite lot, but there remains a core piece that the rest is built around.

That core piece can be redefined if it becomes necessary.  Some pieces may no longer be part of the core, or me at all, and some pieces may become important enough to be added to the core.  All the other rooms in my house, however, the ones that are NOT part of the core, have their meaning in how they relate to the core.  They don’t stand on their own… they are defined by how they touch and expand upon the part that IS in the core.

A box is a rigid thing likely to be destroyed, to where it is no longer a box, in any attempt to alter it.  A house, on the other hand, can be added to, subtracted from, repainted and redecorated, and altered in many other fashions, even altered in its very character (such as by adding a second floor), yet it is still a house.

That seems like a much better analogy for a person, especially someone who is aware.

What kind of “house” do you live in?  Do you have a different analogy that you use?

When it comes to motivation, it can be broken down into two categories:  negative motivation and positive motivation.  Negative motivation is “push” motivation… you are trying to push something you don’t like away from you.  Positive motivation is “pull” motivation… you are trying to bring something that you DO want closer to you.

Each has an area where, generally speaking, it is more effective.  Negative motivation is good for getting you started, for getting that initial movement that is often the hardest part to achieve.  It does not, on the other hand, last all that well.  Positive motivation is just the ticket for that… positive motivation can be a lifelong thing, but in general is not as great for getting the first sparks together to “light your fire”.

Negative Motivation

Negative motivation is very good for getting you moving.  It provides a sharp stimulus that is congruent with out instincts… that thing is unpleasant, get away from it.  Our instincts don’t make a distinction, in this case, between physical unpleasantness and mental unpleasantness… either way, our instinct is just to get away.

This can work very well… if your doctor tells you that you have cancer, and that unless you do what they say you are going to die, that provides some really strong motivation to change your ways and do what they say.  The motivation is sharp, strong, and focused… do what you need to (what the doctor tells you) in order to avoid something unpleasant (dying of cancer).   Since motivation is linked to action by way of a cost/benefit ratio, you can see that the cost (doing what the doctor tells you) is very low in comparison to the benefit (not dying).

Negative motivation has a very definite weakness, however.  It can be quite strong, enough to get you moving when other things wouldn’t, but what happens when you take the negative stimulus away?  The motivation dries up almost instantly.

In other words, once you feel like you are safe from whatever the unpleasantness was, there is no more motivation from that source, though you may keep up whatever changes you have made out of habit.

Positive Motivation

Positive motivation is generally not quite as good at getting you moving.  The natural instinct to avoid unpleasantness is not triggered, thus leaving you without the added boost that brings.  Even if there is something you really, REALLY want, unless the path from here to there is pretty obvious, there may be some doubt, some fear, about your ability to achieve that thing, making it harder to get started.

On the other hand, positive motivation doesn’t necessarily have a defined end, either.  If you lose weight because your doctor tells you that you have to or suffer some really unpleasant problems, then once you lose enough weight, that motivation goes away.  If you lose weight because you want to feel more fit and healthy, however, that motivation doesn’t really go away.  You’re still going to want to feel fit and healthy, even after you’ve achieved your original goals.

Positive motivation gets stronger as you go along.  Seeing progress toward your goal, whatever it may be, reinforces your positive motivation at the same time that it weakens your negative motivation… after all, you’re getting closer to your thing you want (positive, or “pull” motivation) and farther from the thing you want to avoid (negative, or “push” motivation).  Positive motivation can also help you conserve momentum when moving to a new goal after completing your current one.

Summary

The trick of motivating yourself is to know how to combine the two, and which to use when.  Negative motivation is good for getting started, which is why many people who speak about reaching your goals will tell you to share your goals and time frames with someone else.  This induces the negative motivation of not wanting to look bad in front of that person.  That can range from a medium to a very strong negative motivation.  At the same time, however, it makes you start framing the way you look at your goal in terms of that negative light.  This can lead to you looking for ways to avoid both working on the goal and the person with whom you shared that goal.

That’s where positive motivation comes into play.  Once negative motivation gets you moving, you can start to see your progress toward your goal, which helps to strengthen your positivel motivation into a force that can support further progress.  As you make more progress, and the end point (your goal) becomes clearer, positive motivation becomes even stronger, getting to the point where it can really drive you to the next goal once the current one is achieved… as long as you don’t slow down too much.  Once you slow down, you may need the kick from negative motivation once again.

So… that’s a really simple look at the differences between negative motivation and positive motivation.  Do you find that you use one more than the other?  Will you change how you attempt to reach new goals after thinking about the difference?  Let me know in the comments.

Have you ever had one of those times when it seemed like your entire life was in flux, where almost nothing seemed to be stable, something to hold onto while everything else shifts?  It’s relatively common to have had that experience, although not everyone is required to go through it.

So… why do I bring this up?  Well, you might say it has a little personal relevance for me right now.  My employer is currently trying to sell the piece of their business where I work, other people around me seem to be finding greener pastures (in the employment sense), and things have been a bit chaotic on the home front, as we just had a huge yard sale.  This is in addition to writing for this website, and having recently set an ambitious goal of 500 subscribers by November 20th.

My normal rock among all the shifting sands, my wife, has been busy with getting ready for the yard sale (and cleaning up afterwards).  While I helped, and did most of the heavy lifting, she invested far more time than I, and so hasn’t been as available for me as she normally is.

How does this all tie back to self-development?  Quite well, actually… because it has reinforced for me the need to find a center, a place of peace in the middle of your soul.  This is a place that is isolated from the outside world and all of its influences and distractions, a place where you can go when the rest of the world is too much to handle.

How do you go about finding your center?  Well, it’s a combination of things, including learning how to achieve internal quiet, who you really are, and acceptance of your own freedom and the responsibility that comes with it.  So, here’s a short summary of each of these factors:

1. Achieving Internal Quiet

   This is the starting point for finding your center, as it provides a place from which to pursue the other two pieces.  First, a definition – internal quiet is the point at which the surface of your mind is calm, with all interrupting thoughts and distractions dealt with.  Now, a very quick guide on how to achieve it (I’ve mentioned this in a few previous articles):  Find a spot where you can sit and have aa few minutes of time to yourself.  Make yourself comfortable, and close your eyes.  Let any thought that comes up come, drift across your mind, and go back out.  Let any feelings that come up come without attempt at suppression, observe them, and let them go, too.

   Before too long, though the time it takes varies depending on what the circumstances of your life are at the moment, you should reach a place of internal quiet.  Now you’re ready for the next step.

2. Finding Who You Are

   Finding who you are… this is sort of mislabeling.  It may feel like finding who you are, but in reality what you are doing is peeling back the layers you have pasted over the real you, and admitting who you really are inside.  It’s not so much finding as admitting, although you may have buried some things deep enough that you find yourself surprised that they are still there.

   This is the point where you start taking down some of your internal walls and dealing with things that are not pleasant.  This is by far more easily done when you have reached internal quiet, and know how to do so again, as internal quiet allows you to release the pain that some of your digging and demolition of walls allows back up into your conscious awareness.

3. Accepting Your Freedom (And Responsibility)

   When you are well into the process above, you are likely to start recognizing the fact that anything you don’t like about yourself is your own fault, that it’s both caused and continued by your own choices.  If you have a lot of anger inside, it’s because you are holding on to some old injury.  If you have trouble trusting others, it is no doubt because of something else (or the same thing, I suppose) you are holding inside with your walls.  There are two reactions to this realization that you are who you choose to be… you can deny it and turn away, pretending you are someone you are not, and that others are to blame for who you are, or you can embrace it and realize that since these things you don’t like are a result of your choices, that also means you are free to make different choices and change who you are.

   Either way, once you recognize responsibility for who you are, you can never totally bury that knowledge and understanding again.

Once you have done the things listed above, you should be able to tell a significant difference in your level of internal peace and your ability to deal with external stress.  You’ll have a place inside you that can function as your anchor in a life in flux, something to hold you steady against whatever waves may come.

And it’s a spot, that center of your soul, that no one else can ever take away from you.

 

Many people live their entire lives drowning in doubt and fear.  Almost everything they do is motivated by trying to avoid something bad, not pursuing something good.  This leads them to look at everything through a negative lens, which in turn causes them to live lives far below their potential, both potential for success (by whatever their definition) and for happiness.

This is not something that anyone has to accept, though changing can be very difficult.  It is relatively simple, but simple is not the same as easy.  Still, isn’t it worth the effort, when the reward is courage without limit, in whatever circumstances you find yourself?

Where do doubt and fear come from?

Doubt and fear both originate from the same thing… worrying about which choice will turn out with the best (or worst) outcome.  Fear is the worry that comes before the choice, and sometimes between the choice and the outcome.  Doubt is another side of the same coin, the worry that comes after having made the decision… worrying about whether or not it was the best choice.

Doubt and fear are experienced differently, and have different ways of keeping you from reaching your potential.

• Fear

  Fear works by keeping you from making choices that might have the possibility of you getting hurt.  It can cause you to run away, to hide, or to turn a blind eye to opportunity.  It can also cause you to lash out, trying to hide your fear, because you are afraid of someone knowing that you are afraid.

• Doubt

  Doubt, on the other hand, keeps you from putting in the follow through necessary to actually get the results you started out looking for.  It causes you to pull back, to not really give things the energy and attention that they need.  Doubt seldom causes you to lash out at others… it’s far more likely to make you hurt yourself.

How do you find “The End Of Doubt And Fear”?

Since both originate from worry about the outcome of your choices, the way to end them is to remove the uncertainty from your choice.  How do you do that?  By always being true to yourself, always going with the choice that best reflects the real you (not the persona that you project for the sake of others).

Any time that you do something for external reasons, reasons other than it being the choice that best reflects who you are and who you want to be, you bring uncertainty into the picture.  As the uncertainty grows, doubt and fear creep in… which choice is the right choice?  Did you make the best choice?

When you start basing your choices on what reflects who you are and who you want to be, you gain a lot of clarity.  Many choices fall away, being obviously not the right decision for you.  You also lose a lot of your investment in the outcome of your choices, since the choice itself, reflecting you as it does, is enough justification.

As more and more of your choices reflect your nature, there will be less and less uncertainty.  There will only BE one choice, and that choice is the right choice for you, even if it doesn’t end up with the best possible outcome.  This clarity, this lack of uncertainty, makes it harder and harder for doubt or fear to work its way into your life.  You may make a choice that produces an outcome other than what you wanted, but it won’t bother you, because it was still the right choice for you.

And the right choice for you isn’t determined by outside, objective factors.  There is no better or best, worse or worst… it’s the right choice for you, there can only be one right choice in any decision.  Since there is no other choice, there is no way that the outcome could have been better or worse if you had made a different choice.

What happens when doubt and fear are gone?

That one is simple… you find peace.  It doesn’t matter if other people think you made the wrong choice, or if another choice might have, had you chosen it instead, given you better results.  It doesn’t matter because you are making the choices that fit who you are and who you want to be.

And that’s enough.

We all have a natural tendency to start losing our focus as the day drags on, especially when we’re working on something other than what we really want to be doing.  It becomes harder and harder to pay attention to what you’re doing… your mind starts to wander and pretty soon you’re working at a fraction of your peak efficiency.  Sometimes you may even become annoyed at yourself for it, but that doesn’t really help, it just makes it even harder to focus.

There is, however, a fairly simple way to keep your focus all day long, and it doesn’t even take much time.  And, as a bonus, not only will it help you to keep your focus, but it will also help you to train your subconscious in what is important to you, and thus which choices and opportunities to bring to your attention.

And now onto the meat of article, how to keep your focus all day long:

Preparation

The first thing you’ll need to do for this to be the most effective is a list of specific things in your life that you want to improve.  The easiest way to get such a list is to sit down with pen and paper (or electronic equivalent) and write down whatever comes to mind as something you would like to improve.  Anything that is really general, like “I want to be more successful”, refine down to one or more specifics, such as “I want my income to increase”.

Now take that list and narrow it down to something like 4-6 items that are the most important to you.  Take those items you have left and put them into a positive and current sentence.  As an example, if you chose from above the specific of “I want my income to increase”, you could take that and turn it into “My cash flow is increasing.”  That’s positive, as opposed to something like “I’m not going to smoke”, and current, rather than future like “I will make more money”.

So… that’s the one time preparation, although you can, of course, revisit the list at any time if you find that one of the things on it is no longer of as much importance (or if you simply find something of more importance).  There is also daily preparation, done each night just before bed. Each night, just before bed, make a short list of things you need to do the next day.  This shouldn’t be more than few of the most important things, not a comprehensive list of everything you have on your plate.

Now, onto the next phase…

Execution

First thing in the morning, soon after you wake up, take five minutes of quiet time for yourself.  Start this quiet time with deep breathing, concentrating on feeling your breath slide in and out.  After you feel your body relax and your mind achieve quiet (which should only be a couple minutes if you do this regularly) repeat to yourself the phrases from your list… “My cash flow is increasing.”, etc.  Focus on each one for just a moment, then move to the next.  After you have finished that list, quickly review your to do list from the night before and decide the order in which you are going to do those things.  Now you’re ready to go start your day knowing what you need to do and where you want to go… and your focus should be sharp.

You should repeat this process every two or three hours throughout the day.  It should only take a few minutes each time, and the time it takes is likely to go down as you get used to doing it.  It gives your mind a chance to clear out all the debris that working builds up, refocuses you on what you want to improve in your life, and offers a chance to review what is left on your to do list, letting you see your progress and keeping you from straying off too far with distractions.

Each of those three things is important, but the thing that helps the most is clearing out the mental debris.  This builds up constantly during the day and most people only clear it out at night when they go to sleep.  If you keep it cleared throughout the day, however, it’s not there impeding your ability to focus, and also lets you get to the good sleep faster, since there is little built-up debris to clear first.

And that brings us to the final phase…

Review

First thing in the morning is the most important part of the execution phase, because it sets the tone for the day.  There’s another very important part of the whole process, though, and that comes at the end of the day, just before bed.  This is the time when, after doing your deep breathing and review of the areas where you want to improve, you review your to do list to see which things on the list were accomplished.  This can be a good way to feel like you got something productive done that day.

After you review your list for the day, take the time to make a new one for the next day.  You can include anything that wasn’t completed from the day just past, as well as anything new.  Take a moment to picture yourself the next night with your new list accomplished, and then put it away until the next morning.

It’s also a good idea to mentally set a time that you intend to wake up in the morning, and use another phrase, something along the lines of “My sleep is restorative and refreshing.  I awaken each morning focused and alert.”  This combination, setting a specific time and essentially telling yourself that you are going to sleep well, can help you to actually sleep well and awaken in the morning feeling refreshed and mentally clear.

Summary

This process generally takes no more than 30-40 minutes of your day, in 5 minute chunks, and will more than compensate for that time by keeping you focused and operating near to your peak efficiency.  It also helps you to keep an eye on what areas of your life you want to improve, teaching your subconscious to bring situations and opportunities involving those areas to your conscious attention.  If that isn’t enough to talk you into trying it out, remember that it also helps you to focus on getting the most important things done each day, with reminders throughout the day of what you wanted to accomplish.

All of that works out to help you easily keep your focus all day long.  It also helps you to reduce your stress, frustration, and feelings of not getting anywhere, bringing more peace into your life.  It can even help improve your relationships, as that can easily be on both your “areas to improve” list AND your “to do” list.

If you have any suggestions for ways to improve this process, or other things that you can add to it, please leave them in the comments.