We all know someone who plays the game of one-upsmanship, and at least for the guys, have probably at least been tempted to play the game ourselves at some point (sorry girls… I don’t know how much you play the game amongst yourselves, I have a lot more experience being a guy).  What is the game of one-upsmanship?

It’s the game where the player has to be better (or worse) than everyone else.  If you have a fast car, they have (or even more likely, had) a faster or more expensive one.  If you were really sick, they’ve been sicker.  Whatever you have or do, they have had or done something bigger, more attention getting.

And you see, that in itself is part of the game… whatever they are “one-up”-ing you with, it’s almost always something that you have no way of verifying.  Nobody else around was there or even saw it.  There is no proof as to whether they are telling the truth or not… but when they do it often enough, you may start to have a pretty strong suspicion about ALL of it.

Now to the fun part… why do people play that game?  What does it tell you about them?   Let’s list out why some people have to be better than you:

1. They Need Attention

   One of the biggest reasons why people have to “be better than you” is because they crave attention.  They believe, quite reasonably, that they will get more attention than you if they have out-done you.  It’s quite reasonable to believe this because it is, in fact, true.  When it happens every time and is impossible to verify, however, people will cease to believe the person doing it, giving them even less attention than they originally did, until they get to the point that they are ignored even when they ARE telling the truth.  It’s the whole “boy who cried wolf” syndrome.

2. They Need To Compete

   Guys are especially notorious for this, although my female friends have told me that the competition and infighting among women is just as bad… it’s just hidden better.  So… if you have an overwhelming need to compete, what easier way to do so than to play the game of one-upsmanship?  You have a famous friend?  They have one that’s more famous… or more than one that is famous.  You had a friend die?  They had one die in a more tragic way.  They’re competing… in EVERYTHING.  Of course, this part backfires as well… once people get the impression that someone has to compete on everything, they tend to discount what they say, and when possible, not allow them to compete at all, by excluding the competer from whatever everyone else is doing.

3.  They Can’t “Lose Face”

   Guys, in general, are especially sensitive to looking bad in front of other people… even more so when the other person is a woman, and even more than THAT when she’s attractive.  A lot of one-upsmanship occurs for this reason… it’s closely related to the need to compete, listed above, but not the same.  The additional pressure of trying to impress a specific person, whether an attractive woman or someone who commands much respect, can cause guys who normally wouldn’t play the game to start.  Like the things listed above, however, doing this a lot backfires… nobody really likes someone who always has to be better, even if the person is doing it to someone else.

4. And It All Boils Down To… They Are Insecure

   All three of the points above boil down to the fact that the person doing it is uncertain about their own worth, uncertain that people will like or respect them for who they are, rather than what they have or do.  The reverse is closer to the truth, though.  People DO respect someone who has the honesty and integrity to be themselves, to admit when they don’t know something, to give respect to someone who deserves it without diminishing themselves.  And, to be honest, if you ARE secure in your own worth, it doesn’t really matter what other people think about you… so you have no incentive to play the game

Everyone knows someone who always has to be “better than you”, and I can state with quite a bit of confidence that your mental reaction when you think of them is distate or stronger.  Even if you play the game yourself, you probably don’t like other people who do the same.

When someone always has to emphasize how they are better than everyone else, everyone else assumes the reverse… that the person’s character, demeanor, and observable actions aren’t enough to speak for themselves.  That’s not really the reaction that anyone wants, and those who play the game would be well advised to stop.

So… why play the game at all?