What do envy and jealousy, perfectionism and anger, fear and loathing, and all other things that make you uhappy have in common?  There’s one thing they all boil down to… they are all focusing your mind on something that isn’t perfectly the way you want it to be.

One of the easiest signs by which you can tell that you are thinking too much about something not being perfect is when you start complaining.  Whatever it is that you are complaining about, it’s obviously something you don’t like (or why would you be complaining?).  If it’s something you don’t like, why are you wasting your time and energy thinking about it?  As I’ve written before, spending energy on something gives it importance in your life, whether that energy is negative or positive.  However much impact something has in your life, in who you are, is determined by how much importance you give it.

Every time you complain about something, your are giving it more importance, so it’s becoming a bigger part of your life.  Since you only complain about things you don’t like, that doesn’t seem like a very desirable outcome, does it?  This includes, by the way, when you only complain about it in the safety of your own mind… you are still thinking about it and giving it more importance.

Now, let’s think about the other side of the coin.  How often do you specifically mention the things that you do like that are going on in your life?  How often do you thank someone for something they do that makes something go well in your life, compared to how often you complain when someone does something that you don’t like?  For instance, do you thank your spouse if they do the dishes, or only complain when they do not?  Do you thank your boss when he stands up for you, or only complain when he does something you don’t like?

Happiness in life is all about your focus, whether it’s negative or positive.  If your “thanks” outweigh your “complaints”, then you will be happy most of the time.  If your complaints outweigh your thanks, you will be unhappy most of the time.  If you want your life to be happier, you can make it that way, without changing your circumstances at all.  Want to know how?  Just make this one simple change:

Every time you catch yourself complaining, find two positive things about your life to tell the same person to whom you’re complaining.

This forces you to focus more on the things you do like, and keeps the things you don’t like from obscuring the overall quality of your life.  If you want to make even more difference, if you’re complaining about a person, find something good about that person to tell to whomever is receiving your complaints, and then go over to the person you were complaining about (if it’s feasible… obviously you can’t do this if the person you were complaining about was an anonymous driver on the freeway) and thank them for whatever it is that they do that you like.  Do this and you’ll find it hard to harbor grudges or do more than vaguely dislike someone, since you are aware of their positive traits, too.

Again, happiness is a state of mind that you choose.  If you leave the choice to your subconscious, your conscious mind may not like the results, until you have trained your subconscious to STOP concentrating on the things that are going wrong and instead focus on the things that are going right.  Choose to focus on the things you like, and bring those things more into focus, making them a bigger part of your life, rather than the things you complain about.

PS – Doing this won’t make everything in your life positive, and can’t make you happy 100% of the time.  It will, however, make it easier for you to be happy the majority of the time, and make it easier for you to return to happiness after something causes you to depart from that state.