Relationships need communication like plants need water… without it they dry up and wither away. Ongoing communication is essential for the length of the relationship.
Relationships are based on connecting with another person. In order to connect with another person, you have to have some idea of who they are (not as in Bob Smith, as in what they like, dislike, etc.). Communication is essential to this knowledge, whether it’s verbal or nonverbal. As communication deepens, your knowledge of the other person deepens, and the relationship can deepen. It is through this process of learning who the other person is that people go from acquaintances, to friends, to close friends, etc. You can’t move beyond your current “relationship level” without deepening your communication and thereby your knowledge of the other person.
The fact that the depth of the relationship depends on the depth of your knowledge of each other also explains why relationships fade away when people stop communicating. This is because everyone changes as life goes on, becoming a different person through the addition of new experiences, new patterns, new knowledge. That means that if you do not continue to communicate at an appropriate depth, you begin to know the person less and less, as they change from the person that you became familiar with. As the person changes, and you change, the depth of your knowledge of each other weakens (without ongoing renewal), and the relationship fades, going in reverse order: close friend, friend, etc.
The above is true regardless of whether it’s a personal or professional relationship. In fact, professional relationships can deepen into personal relationships as you get to know each other, and the depth of your knowledge increases (if you choose to go deeper… relationships can certainly be kept surface level). It’s true of any kind of personal relationship, as well, whether it’s family, friends, or significant other.
People who don’t have many others in the “close friend” area are usually that way because they don’t want to open themselves up to the depth necessary to achieve that level, usually from fear of getting hurt (Some might say rejection, but why would you fear rejection if it didn’t hurt?). While it is certainly true that people who know you deeper can hurt you more, they can also heal you more and bring more joy to your life. Also, if you learn to let go of your old wounds (see this article), the amount that you get hurt, even by those with whom you have a deep relationship, lessens.
So if you want to deepen existing relationships, bringing acquaintances to the friend level, friends to the close friend level, and more, you have to open yourself up and put yourself out there. Let go of your fear of hurt, and instead focus on the positives that more, deeper, relationships can bring into your life.
